Thursday, January 21st, 2010
Phew I made it! I hear that when you have a child, you forget the pain after a while and that allows you to go on and do it again. I think its the same for moving house.
Why oh why didnt I get one of those firms who pack, move and unpack you? While they’re at it they could also tell all the people that need telling – phone, gas, electricity etc etc etc. (what a carry on just trying to find the meters!) – I sense a business opp here though:) Its a good job I had a very dear friend to help me- thank you darling x
Anyway, its done, Ive moved!! I am firmly ensconced in my new London pad (actually its not new, its around 200 years old but its new to me and you know what I mean).
Im just starting to get to know the neighbourhood, and there are lots of the things that I need and they happen to be close by; and what joy to just stroll out of my front door and within a short walk find a whole road of decent places to eat. I think Im going to love it here :)
So, still some more unpacking to do (I am sure boxes breed and multiply in the back of the removals van). February bookings are filling up fast – thanks guys, that is a fabulous welcome – but I still have some time free at the beginning of Feb, would love to see you x
rhiacharles@yahoo.co.uk
Posted in Life, london, London Courtesan, The Courtesan/Escort | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
Do you remember this pic? I took it last year I think, with a point and shoot camera whilst looking in the mirror and no bra involved – just a latex dress. Puppies spring to mind. This is one of those outfits that has to be confined to the boudoir and has never,
ever seen the light of day. I
am a laydee dont you know! (well in public anyway ;) Now, as you very well know, I like to keep abreast (groan!) of all things saucy, and as I have already addressed and discussed briefly the needs of the
bum man, here’s a little piece you may find fascinating if your thing is…
Breastology
An Essay
by Wayne Wallace
Breasts, boobs, tits, hooters, yahoos, yabbas, knockers, chi-chi’s, ta-ta’s, mammaries, and any number of other names have given to those beautiful symbols of female sexuality over the years. I love breasts. In fact, I have made an exhaustive, personal study of the female breast for the better part of forty-five years. I am, and always have been, a member of that elite group of men who are known as “boob-menâ€. (I suppose that in the interest of political correctness I should acknowledge here that there are probably a number of women who might fall into this category as well, effectively changing the term to “boob-personsâ€).
During this forty-five year period, I have been engaged in an avid study of the female breast. I don’t feel that my study of breasts is an obsession, for I am able to function in society without too many embarrassing incidents concerning the observation and study of the twin mounds. I must, however, plead guilty to my wife’s accusation of always beginning a visual inspection of any woman, with an appraising look at her breasts. Call this sexist if you like, call me a chauvinist pig, but this is honestly where my attention is focused and where the majority of my interest lies.
Of course, other areas of female anatomy appeal to me as well. For example, a beautiful face is certainly an attention getter, or a nicely shaped butt in a tight pair of jeans has been known to turn my head. I appreciate a shapely pair of long legs as much as the next guy, but, as I am enjoying and appreciating these attributes, rest assured that I have already checked out the boobs! For me, these other enhancements merely add to the total package that the breasts headline.
The ultimate objective of most men (the hell with political correctness!) is of course that taco shaped universe that women sit upon, and around which, most men’s lives seem to revolve. That part of the anatomy that has as many pet names as do the breasts, ‘the crown jewel†also has my admiration and respect. However, the study of, the usage of, or the mere observation of this area requires far more time, commitment and risk than does the study of the female breast. The study of the human breast is much more easily accomplished. Some tact must be used when observing the female breast during “field studiesâ€. Blatant, open-mouthed, drooling stares, though not totally unheard of in my studies, are not considered gentlemanly behavior and certainly not in the best interest of the science of Breastology.
If one is discovered, observing the breast in its natural habitat, it is best to be discovered by the observee, than either by your spouse or the observee’s spouse or significant other. The reason for this is the reaction of the various parties involved. The reaction of your spouse is likely to be a punch and a “you never look at me like that†line. The reaction of a rival male in this situation could be like that of a bull elk in one of those nature documentaries with all that head butting and antler rattling, etc. The reaction of the subject being studied, usually, at its worst, merely results in a hand being placed on the neck of a low cut dress or an arm being pulled up to obscure the view of the breasts. The most desirable reaction, although rare, is the willing smile directed at the observing “boob-personâ€.
I have often wondered why I have this “pointed†interest in the female breast. It could be related to the fact that I was a breast fed baby and consequently, my earliest memories of the female breast conjure up such thoughts as nourishment, pacification, security, warmth, etc. Assuming that this was the starting place for my interest and study, Junior High School certainly had to be the Basic Training Grounds of the science for me.
While puberty is changing a young man’s voice, causing acne problems and growing hair in previously barren areas, thoughts of breasts provide the necessary fantasy material needed for his struggle with sexual maturity. I can remember being in 4th hour math class, staring at Mary Ann Mosely’s boobs, and daydreaming. My sadistic math teacher, Miss Groffman, an old spinster woman of about 75, and by the way, whose boobs I NEVER checked out, called me to the board to reduce a fraction or something. The very noticeable erection that I tried to conceal, became the laughing matter of the classroom for the rest of the semester.
National Geographic Magazine’s full color photos of African women’s breasts also served as an excellent resource for early study. This of course, was in an era when Playboy magazines were not easily obtainable for pubescent males. Adding fuel to the fantasy fire were the Junior High girls, also struggling through puberty, whose newly developed boobs were often proudly displayed in padded bras under tight sweaters or white, transparent blouses. That practice has not changed significantly to this day
As an avid breast observer, I often accompany my wife to any of the local shopping malls and wait, sitting on one of the benches while she shops. This is the perfect observation post. Ever wonder why all the old guys congregate there? Young Ingenues may still be observed, sporting their newest, uplifting training bras in search of pubescent males with the intent of driving them out of their one-track minds.
During the late sixties and through the seventies, the “braless fad†afforded tremendous opportunities for the dedicated Breastologist. It was during this era that I became a recognized expert as to whether or not a bra was being worn. I was often called upon to settle disputes, between old codgers waiting for their wives on a bench at the mall, as to whether a particular set of 38s were or were not holstered.
Just as Junior High school is the Basic Training Grounds for “boob-menâ€, High school is the early “field-study†area for the determined, life-long student of the female breast. In High school, as dating becomes a possibility, being alone with a female “subject†in a car affords, at least the opportunity for advanced breast study and research. One actually has the potential to touch, examine, and if one is extremely lucky, actually see, a pair of female breasts. The search for the ideal female subject becomes the early goal of the high school age “boob-personâ€. The criteria are these, in the order of their importance:
1. Great breasts
2. A willingness to allow extensive breast study and
observation for the benefit of science.
3. Relatively attractive facial features.
4. Someone not looking for a long-term commitment.
Young “boob-men†often plan their “field-studies†or dates around allowing adequate opportunity for observation and study. Here is an example of a typical agenda for female subject field study.
Pick subject up at her house —————— 7:00 PM
Dinner at Restaurant —————————— 7:15 – 8:15 PM
Movie ————————————————— 8:30 PM – 10:30 PM
Private scientific observation & study —- 10:30 PM – 12:00
Subject home by 12:30 AM
The degree of scientific observation and study attained during these field studies is also recorded in degrees. ie:
Scientific Level Attained Study Accomplished
Level 1 “Copped a Feel†– a light squeeze of either one
or both breasts through the clothing.
Level 2 “Pressed the Flesh†– Actual contact with bare
breast, usually accomplished by inserting hand
into the bra.
Level 3 “Nipple Contact†– Self explanatory
Level 4 “Loosed the beasts†– Unhooked bra and
explored extensively.
Level 5 “Visual Contact†– Actually observed the
breasts in their natural habitat.
Level 6 “Tasted the Fruit†– Also, self-explanatory.
Attaining all levels with a subject may take several “field observations†to accomplish or they may all be accomplished in one encounter. This usually is dependent upon the willingness of the subject to participate in the scientific study. If all levels are accomplished in one field study, this is known as the “grand slam†of breast observation and is not only a very rare scientific event, but could actually lead to a chance encounter with the “crown jewel†about which I spoke earlier. At this point in the field study, the researcher must make a decision whether to further his study of this subject, which in all probability would limit the student’s observation of other “subjectsâ€, or to just move on to other subjects, in the interest of science. This proves not only to be true for the dedicated “boob-man†but for exploration and discovery in general in most relationships from the high school age on through senior citizen status.
Posted in Just Sauciness, London Courtesan | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
My first one of 2009, Thank you Mr Greybeard! xxx
http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=87416
Posted in London Courtesan, Reviews | No Comments »
Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
The condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening.
This is also known as ‘Fishing for Sympathy’ or ‘Chronic Exaggeration’.
When the patient is your boyfriend, he will exhibit the standard symptoms (such as an overwhelming desire for compassion) while simultaneously rejecting any and all efforts you make to placate him.
You: Awww, you poor fella.
Him: I’m DYING!
You: (Soothingly) Oh, you’re not dying.
Him: (Indignant) I AM! I have Man Flu!
You: Do you need some sympathy?
Him: Yes! But no one understands my pain…
You: I understand-
Him: NO YOU DO NOT!!!
or…
A rare strain of flu so powerful and so deadly it can only be matched by the Bubonic Plague and Aids. A incurable virus which has adapted to only effect the “XY” gene found in men. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. Man Flu has no cure and prayers can save the forsaken life of the infected. The often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract “Man Flu”
Woman: Is he ok?
Doctor: I’m afraid not, I’m sad to say he has Man Flu
or… (This is my favourite, hahaha – I more than love this one!)
The one week out of the year when a man has a cold, and doesn’t feel good, and exercises his right to complain and whine- contrary to every fucking day of a woman’s life when we have to hear you complain.
The man flu is usually accompanied by a lack of sympathy from females, which further advances the adverse symptoms of the man flu.
GF: Ugh, BF is so annoying and whiny, all he has is a cold.
BFF: Oh, yeah, the Man Flu.
BF: GOD FORBID you take care of ME for ONE DAY and not complain!!!!
~~~~~~~
The above sadly NOT written by me , but much appreciated by me :) hehehe Huge apologies for all you sufferers out there – I mean it, honestly! Get well soon! x Shall I be nurse?
Posted in Humour, Life, London Courtesan | 1 Comment »
Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
Hey, you know I am the queen of the lists right? Yes, I am back to my list fetish. Ohh I bet some of you can come up with a great name for a list fetishist…..
I have lists for shopping, lists for things to do that day, lists of places I still have to see, lists of lists I have yet to write (only kidding, or am I ?!) Lists consolidate things, make you work towards something, hell you can even call them goals if you want. Now there are a few lists out there (not mine, there are apparently other list writers – maybe we can all get together sometime and make a huge list of……?)
I bought a book during the year, well I actually bought many books and was kindly given many, many books. One of the ones I bought was 100 things to do before you die. I also have a list of 100 things, I wrote it a while ago and I take it out every year. I have done 75 of them. I need to add more. I am running out of things to do! (I have just added – find a way to join the mile high club in 2009 – hmmm – you so know who you are! Run! hahaha)
Now this book, the book of a 100 things is more of a ‘crazy/interesting things to do around the world’ kind of thing. Like go to the burning man project in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada (I nearly got there one year) or watch the Monarch butterfly migration in Michoacn, Mexico. You get the idea. My list is more of a mixture of things. I would be really (really) interested to hear about your list if you have one. If you dont, why dont you? Here’s someone’s short list I found on the internet…
1. Write a script for a TV show
2. Do stand-up comedy
3. Write a children’s book
4. Go camping
5. Ride a gondola in Venice
6. Learn how to salsa dance
7. Host Saturday Night Live
8. Visit a Renaissance fair
9. See the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
10. Witness a solar eclipse
and a couple of mine that I have been lucky enough to tick off…
Swim with wild dolphins
Follow grey whales from California to Mexico where they give birth
Do a 12000 ft parachute jump
I ticked off a massive one in 2008, sorry cant share that one here just yet.
Now, see just how much fun you could have with a little list?
Posted in Life, London Courtesan | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
Have a sparkling New Year’s Eve and a very healthy, happy and prosperous 2009 – Hope to see you then xx
Posted in High days & holidays, London Courtesan | 1 Comment »
Friday, December 26th, 2008
Have a super duper Christmas? I sure did. In fact it was the best Christmas I have had in years. Lots of laughter, great company, gorgeous food, fizzy stuff and lots of fun and games. I also had a brilliantly saucy Christmas card from Mr A which I tried to put on this post but the text got cut off :( – thanks anyway A, it made me chuckle :) So, now its on to the sales and New Year. Although I have revived my love for Christmas, New Year has always been my favourite night of the year in the past. This one is going to be extra special, ohh I am a lucky girl this year! What about you? Are you planning something special for the 31st?
I am also looking forward to 2009, lots of tours… Bath on January 27/28 is fully booked but I am taking details in case of cancellations. Dubai in February has some dates left but London in March is also fully booked. There are a few new restaurants opened in Plymouth which I obviously will have to try out next year :) I always have a list of things that I want to do each year – I usually tick most of them off – try it, its great fun! What’s on my list for 2009? … well, you will have to wait and see. ;)
Oh I almost forgot, do you want updates of my blog on your mobile phone? Look at this, its clever.
Posted in High days & holidays, London Courtesan, News/Availability | No Comments »
Thursday, December 18th, 2008
Well it looks like I will not have time to nip around the net looking for Christmas sauciness to post here after all! Id just like to say a massive thank you to all my lovely gents for making 2008 so special – both in Plymouth and whilst I was touring in London, Dublin, New York and Edinburgh. I really (really!) had a great time and I hope you did too ;) Also I have been overwhelmed by the wonderful Christmas wishes I have been getting via email – thanks guys, that means a lot and I really appreciate it. Thanks to the ladies too for your help during the past year with various things especially Crista and Dollymopp. Oh and a big thank you to Richard at 69 Design, my webmaster for keeping the site going. I hope I havent forgotten anyone! So, that just leaves me to wish each and every one of you (especially YOU for popping by to take a look at my blog) a superb, fantastic Christmas. You will, wont you? I hope you find everything you want under the tree. I will write another post after Christmas, before the New Year – have fun!! Lots of love xxx
PS Next available 2nd January 2009 x
PPS You really need to check out this blog – Hannah – she is so funny – have a look.
Posted in Friends, High days & holidays, London Courtesan, News/Availability, The Client, The Courtesan/Escort | 4 Comments »
Monday, December 15th, 2008
Let’s see how many saucily-themed Christmas things I can find :) This one, I liked…
Yes, it’s that time of the year again, dear reader. The time when reckless young girls drop their knickers under the mistletoe after a few too many Bacardi Breezers and dirty old men bid for them on eBay.
Which is why UK Secretary of State for Culture, Tessa Jowell, has issued a stern warning to employers, urging them to make sure their female staff do not injure themselves at office parties by table dancing on desks or photocopying parts of their body. Mrs Jowell, a stunning brunette of indeterminate age who is no stranger to sexual harassment from unscrupulous men wielding whips, implored managers not to put up mistletoe as it is known to incite sexual misconduct and binge drinking, before going on to alert women to the dangers of wearing microskirts and skimpy tops to the Christmas office party.
“If you must hold an office party do keep a close eye on those who drink,” she warned ominously. “Lager makes some women lose their knickers. The party will be completely soiled — I mean, spoiled — if it ends up in unwanted pregnancies or a nasty, itchy rash. I’m as full of the Christmas spirit as the next man, er, or woman,” added Mrs Jowell, clapping a Santa Claus hat onto her head with an embarrassed giggle. “But the office is not the place to let your hair down, or indeed, your knickers.”
Polls show that twelve out of ten British firms agree with Tessa Jowell and will not be holding knees-ups this year for fear of being sued by male staff claiming injury to their genitalia by women hitting back at sexual harassment. The cultured Culture Secretary’s warning was greeted with huge sighs of relief by senior managers up and down the country, one of whom took time off from briefing his secretary on what to buy his mistress for Christmas, to talk to utterpants. “It’s no joke going to photocopy the annual report for the Chairman,” he complained, “only to be confronted with a slimy snail trail. If you must photocopy your bottom please make sure you wipe down the glass to prevent the spread of thrush.”
Single mums, already reeling from the strain of funding another credit card busting spree to provide their nippers with the latest mobile phones and Harry Potter vibrating brroms, welcomed the Culture Secretary’s announcement with equal enthusiasm. “Blokes are even more disgusting at this time of year,” one anonymous secretary told utterpants indignantly. “Not only do we have to put up with them looking up our skirts when we’re putting up the tinsel, but listen to endless, pathetic variations on ‘do you like cream on your pudding?”
“Such as?” we asked.
“Did you know that tying a bird’s legs together keeps the inside moist?”
“And does it?”
“F**k off!” snapped the woman angrily.
“Well, we were only asking..” we replied.
A female spokestypeperson from Mrs Jowell’s department made it clear to us that if firms wish to avoid calling in the emergency services this year, they should ban dangerous items such as advent candles, holly, Christmas crackers, mistletoe and novelty paper hats from office parties.
“Paper hats?” we asked. “What risk do they pose?”
“A carelessly worn novelty hat can easily slip down over one eye, causing the wearer to fall and impale themselves on a sprig of mistletoe or even holly.”
“And candles?”
The woman blushed to the tips of her pretty blond hair and muttered: “I’d rather not say…”
The Ministry have thoughtfully prepared a list of Yuletide innuendoes for employers which it deems ‘highly offensive’ and recommends that staff caught using them should be severely disciplined — or possibly lightly spanked, trousers down, with a generous sprig of holly.
Utterpants applauds Tessa Jowell’s responsible stance and has already instigated her sensible safety precautions in our offices, a decisive move which was greeted with almost unanimous approval by our staff.
“Bloody good job, too!” commented Denim Sue, (34-27-36) peevishly. “It took me over two hours to repair the photocopier last year after that slut Jennifer ran off two hundred copies of her droopy minge for her pervy American friends to drool over. I’m not going to spend this Christmas picking bits of glass out of painful places, I can tell you!”
Outspoken US columnist, Don Pitts, agreed. “If she must show off her ugly pussy why the hell doesn’t she just photograph it with her cellphone like the rest of the danged sluts in the office?”
Their opinions were echoed by Felicity O’Toole: “Christmas office parties are simply old hat, darling.”
“Do you have any advice for those who can’t resist the festive spirit?” we asked the twenty-seven-year-old ‘personal services’ consultant.
“Drinkees and work don’t mix,” she gushed, as she knocked back her fifth Bacardi Breezer when we interviewed her during her lunch break at the Cockwell Inn.
Sadly, there is always one joker in every office who is determined to cock a snook at authority and risk life and limb in the reckless pursuit of Yuletide jollies. At Utterpants that man is Barry Subchimp. “Would you like to gobble my nuts?” he asked us with a lopsided leer as we removed the last of the mistletoe from the executive washroom.
“Er, no thanks,” we replied. “They may have been in contact with the photocopier.”
Shamelessly taken from Utterpants, a haven of sanity for the terminally bewildered.
Posted in High days & holidays, Humour, London Courtesan | No Comments »
Thank you so much Turin! xx
This here blog thing started as a way to express my saucy self. But do you know what? There's more to me than the saucy bits! So herewith you will find all sorts of thoughts, anecdotes, ideas, funny things (lots of them), deep and meaningfuls - a mixture of everything really, just like life. I hope you like it here. I like it here. It's cosier if you are here too so stay a while - and make a comment when you feel the need; I like that x
