Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitute = Whoregasms – hahahaha
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms – not true!
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S’moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn’t very satisfying = there’s the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn’t make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein’s assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms
Mr D told me over a very fine lunch a little while ago that his aunt had been a Courtesan. Yes. Here is the story ( I know he wont mind me relating this, as at the time I gasped, ‘I feel a blog post coming on!’ as he was telling me and he laughed ‘Blog away!’ )
So, this was a lady who became very wealthy by virtue of her talents, but that is not the point. She had only a few well chosen suitors who took care of her handsomely and in return? Well, in return she made their lives easier, more passionate and also made them in turn very, very wealthy. How so? I hear you ask.
Apparently, she was the supreme hostess. She hosted the most magnificent dinners for the movers and shakers in this gentleman’s industry. She never actually ate at her dinner parties (Oh I dont like that idea!) because she wanted to ensure that she was totally attentive to all of her guests. She was fragrant, amenable and charming. These dinners were the catalyst for deals and mergers and hence made the gentleman in question very comfortable. Never underestimate the power of food, Dear Reader, or indeed the power of a talented woman ;)
I loved this story and I wish I had known her – I bet she had a tale to tell – like me ;) My lips are sealed though just like hers. x
Commando? Y-Fronts, Boxers, Long Johns, Thongs (Oh No Dear God, NO! :), Briefs, Jockey Shorts? – Oh dont you fellas have a lot of choice these days?
You can probably guess that I am not a great lover of the male thong, disturbing flash backs of Peter Stringfellow on the beach in ‘that‘ thong are just too potent for me to ever embark on an even slightly nonchalent fondness for that particular article of insanity.
I am not even a great lover of the y-front despite the stirling efforts of Mr Beckham. Well done David. No really, WELL DONE!! Readers of the youthful variety will be totally oblivious to the fact that the Y-front used to be the cause of great mirth and scorn. Especially yellow nylon ones. I outdid myself oh special one this time and procured for you a purple pair of loveliness.
Here you go. I compromised because they have a fetching yellow trim thereby satisfiying the most discerning of y-front pant lover. I note that this one has an emblem on the front. I am desperate to know what it is. I think. If you know, do I want to know? Oh go on then :)
My favourites? Oh I love a nice boxer. Boxer shorts are very sexy, yes indeedy. I like the traditional cotton ones and I also like those tight ones, ′a la Calvin Klein. Oh I just came over all unneccesary!
Im off on my hols on Friday afternoon (24th July) and back on Monday 10th August. Looking forward to it immensely! I have a little availabilitythis week so strike while the iron is hot? Sorry fully booked now, see you in August! (Please book early) Bye for now xxx
PS London Tour in September, almost fully booked!
PPS Got a superb deal with that site where you bid on a hotel room again. It’s very exciting to see what you will get! Please email me if you would like the link ;) x
Do you like it? This heat wave? I love it! Perfect temperature for me is around 24c, but I can accept 30c :) I have a lovely fan here (an electric one , you sauce pot!) - not keen on air con and besides we only need that for one day a year. Brrrrrrr
Here’s my gal…
London Tour
I have my London Tour dates ready now. 21st, 24th and 25th September. I shan’t be visiting London again this year so please book early or you will have to come to Plymouth :) Oh and you will really love the hotel I have booked, very special. Please take a look here for more details and I hope to see you there xx
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
“We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
Apparently I have been wearing the wrong bra for, well, most of my adult life. I flew into Bristol the other day after a very wonderful trip away and decided to stay the night and go shopping the next day. Obviously, obviously I found myself lingering in the lingerie (is that why its called lingerie? :) department of House of Fraser when the assistant there asked me what size I was, oh 36dd I replied. She then went scurrying out the back and brought in a pretty bra, ‘Try this on she says, oh go on’. ‘Oh alright then’ I said. Now it did cross my mind as she said ‘you will let me see it wont you?’ Well, you can imgine what crossed my mind, how on earth can I get out of this one, not the bra, the situation, please keep up. So , before you can say ‘Do me up honey’, I am in the bra and she is in with me. Eeek! ‘Oh no, no, no’ she snorts in disgust ‘That is not the size you should be in’ ‘I thought you weren’t a 36, your back is too tiny for that’ and off she goes to bring back….
A 34F!, a 34F for chrissakes! And it fitted like a glove. Two things here, one this means I have to change my stats and secondly, will I never be able to find pretty lingerie without the bra looking like a boulder holder? Oh woe is me! (I think ;)
Otto Titzling
COMMEMORATED IN POPULAR song, trivia, and cautionary tale, the tortuous history of Otto Titzling (a.k.a. Titsling, Titslinger, Titzlinger) – no laughing at the back! – and the invention of the modern brassiere has a lesson to teach us all — though not necessarily the one you might expect.
As the story goes, Otto Titzling, a German immigrant living in New York City circa 1912, was employed at a factory making women’s undergarments when he met an aspiring opera singer named Swanhilda Olafsen. Miss Olafsen, a buxom woman by all accounts, complained to Titzling that the standard corsets in use at the time were not only uncomfortable to wear but failed to provide adequate support where it counted most.
Titzling rose to the challenge. With the help of his trusty assistant, Hans Delving,(is this for real, delving?, delving? purleese!) he set about inventing a new kind of undergarment specifically engineered to meet the needs of the modern woman. The “chest halter“ he designed proved to be a brilliant innovation and a commercial success, but our hero neglected to take out a patent, an oversight that would haunt him for the rest of his days.
Otto Titzling vs. Philippe de Brassiere
Enter the flamboyant, French-born fashion designer Philippe de Brassiere, who began ripping off Otto Titzling’s designs and manufacturing competing products in the early 1930s. Titzling sued de Brassiere for patent infringement. In a court battle lasting four years, the two men fought to prove ownership of the concept, facing off in a climactic courtroom “fashion show” in which live models paraded before the judge wearing prototypes by each designer. In the end Titzling lost the case, not only in the court of law but in the court of public opinion, where de Brassiere, with his knack for self-promotion, managed to cement in the public’s mind a lasting connection between the product and his own name.
In the words of songstress Bette Midler, “The result of this swindle is pointedly clear — do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?”
Titzling died penniless and unappreciated, we are told.
Oh and no Bristol(s) jokes purlease! x
PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR P. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Mr P, Happy Birthday to YOU !…
My favourite panties are French. Yes I know I am a total Francophile but it seems to me that many, many wonderful things come from France. Champagne, wine, food, furniture, perfume …. Back to pants. I love, adore, covet french knickers. Quite hard to find these days. I remember buying my first pair when I was around 14. I wanted to look like the glamourous 1940′s starlets that you could see in old magazines. I think also, that they are more flattering than a thong (anything is more flattering than a thong, who invented that thing??!) So you can imagine my delight when I shop for lingerie and a set fulfills all four of my requirements;
1) Has to fit a lady with an ample bosom
2) Has to have a matching suspender belt (dont like hold ups!)
3) Has to be beautifully made
and 4) Oh french knicks as well? – what joy!
I was very lucky with the set you see above. It’s a Janet Reger design and I have it in cream too. If there were more colours at the boutique, I would have bought them all. Vive la France!
A little bit from Wiki…
French knickers may have been so called since they were mimicry of the ‘visible’ underwear associated with Parisienne dancing, notably the Can-Can. The French themselves do not use this term for this style. The English began to associate the term with naughty or risque activity due to the connection to Montmartre and Pigalle, but in reality these knickers evolved into their final form from bloomers, the baggy, shapeless long-legged underwear of the Victorian era. By the 1950′s French knickers were almost the standard for British women and by the sixties this style was mass-produced in the ‘new’ nylon and other synthetic fabrics. A more practical design of French knickers had arrived, and proved very popular.
In the mid to late 1970s French Knickers, designed by Janet Reger and others, brought erotic and exotic style to lingerie. Of course major manufacturers through the 1980s to present day latched on to the trends.
Since the nineties, this style of lingerie has given ground in the marketplace to more aggressive styles for younger consumers. It becomes harder for major manufactuers to justify annual production, so they do not appear in shops at all often. They continue to hold the affection and attention of the generation who grew up with them, and as a result have transitioned back into the ‘naughty’ side of lingerie.
Hello!, Yes I am back in the land of the cream tea and the oggie. London was fab. I had a lovely time. After the drama of the changed hotels, I am happy to report that the final hotel I stayed in was quite, quite wonderful They upgraded me not one level but two! So happiness did abound :) When I arrived there were a whole bunch of paparazzi outside the entrance. ’Oh no, dear God, not again I thought’ ‘Will they ever leave me alone?’ Just a cursory glance at me told them all they wanted to know. ‘Nope, not famous, she’s carrying an M&S sandwich bag for Chrissakes!, ignore’ :) Good, that pleases me. I would hate to be famous. I value and enjoy my privacy too much.
I did something I vowed I would never do. Go on the tube. I havent been ‘down there’ for quite a few years. I dont like it. Its claustrophobic, dirty, crowded and smells, and thats just the ticket section. No, I figured a while ago that I dont get to London that often and so I would forfeit the tube in lieu of the Great British cabbie when I make one of my bi-yearly jaunts. And besides, if I was meant to go underground I would have been born a mole with great spade like hands, wouldnt I? So, a grave error found me on the underground yesterday. It wasnt too bad, but I dont want to do it again very soon. Please dont make me!
I went to see this; Here’s something you need to check out http://www.visitlondon.com/bodyworlds/ its an exhibition at the O2 and it is incredible. Sounds a little morbid in that it has exhibits of dissected human bodies that have undergone the process of plastination – but it is done very respectfully, with the ethos of celebrating the miracle of life and the human body; and the people who have donated their bodies?, I think would be very happy with the resulting, well, its artistry really. It is totally fascinating, take a look. I also managed to get a morning at the British Museum which was also very enlightening. What a culture vulture I was!
So, I will be here in Plymouth for a little while now, give me a call and we can talk about the smashing weather we are having :) Have a great bank holiday folks xxx
PS. Apologies to everyone who tried to get in touch via email. A super hotel it may have been but the broadband reception was rubbish.
Yes I shall be in London on Thursday until Sunday! I am fully booked for Thursday and Friday but I have found myself unexpectedly available for Saturday evening now. So if you are a London boy, are in London visiting on that day, or want to be in London that day ;), what not trip the light fantastic…. with moi? Please contact me asap if you would like to book. xxx
This here blog thing started as a way to express my saucy self. But do you know what? There's more to me than the saucy bits! So herewith you will find all sorts of thoughts, ideas, funny things (lots of them), deep and meaningfuls, occasionally - a mixture of everything really, just like life. I hope you like it here. I like it here. It's cosier if you are here too so stay a while.
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For the Gents who like to know what's what, I have an email newsletter where I send you advance notice of specials, new pics, tours etc. Please email me at rhiacharles@yahoo.co.uk and I will add you right away.
Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Mr D told me over a very fine lunch a little while ago that his aunt had been a Courtesan. Yes. Here is the story ( I know he wont mind me relating this, as at the time I gasped, ‘I feel a blog post coming on!’ as he was telling me and he laughed ‘Blog away!’ )
You can probably guess that I am not a great lover of the male thong, disturbing flash backs of Peter Stringfellow on the beach in ‘that‘ thong are just too potent for me to ever embark on an even slightly nonchalent fondness for that particular article of insanity.
Here you go. I compromised because they have a fetching yellow trim thereby satisfiying the most discerning of y-front pant lover. I note that this one has an emblem on the front. I am desperate to know what it is. I think. If you know, do I want to know? Oh go on then :)
cotton ones and I also like those tight ones, ′a la Calvin Klein. Oh I just came over all unneccesary!
Im off on my hols on Friday afternoon (24th July) and back on Monday 10th August. Looking forward to it immensely! I have a 
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
Apparently I have been wearing the wrong bra for, well, most of my adult life. I flew into Bristol the other day after a very wonderful trip away and decided to stay the night and go shopping the next day. Obviously, obviously I found myself lingering in the lingerie (is that why its called lingerie? :) department of House of Fraser when the assistant there asked me what size I was, oh 36dd I replied. She then went scurrying out the back and brought in a pretty bra, ‘Try this on she says, oh go on’. ‘Oh alright then’ I said. Now it did cross my mind as she said ‘you will let me see it wont you?’ Well, you can imgine what crossed my mind, how on earth can I get out of this one, not the bra, the situation, please keep up. So , before you can say ‘Do me up honey’, I am in the bra and she is in with me. Eeek! ‘Oh no, no, no’ she snorts in disgust ‘That is not the size you should be in’ ‘I thought you weren’t a 36, your back is too tiny for that’ and off she goes to bring back….
My favourite panties are French. Yes I know I am a total Francophile but it seems to me that many, many wonderful things come from France. Champagne, wine, food, furniture, perfume …. Back to pants. I love, adore, covet french knickers. Quite hard to find these days. I remember buying my first pair when I was around 14. I wanted to look like the glamourous 1940′s starlets that you could see in old magazines. I think also, that they are more flattering than a thong (anything is more flattering than a thong, who invented that thing??!) So you can imagine my delight when I shop for lingerie and a set fulfills all four of my requirements;
Hello!, Yes I am back in the land of the cream tea and the oggie. London was fab. I had a lovely time. After the drama of the changed hotels, I am happy to report that the final hotel I stayed in was quite, quite wonderful They upgraded me not one level but two! So happiness did abound :) When I arrived there were a whole bunch of paparazzi outside the entrance. ’Oh no, dear God, not again I thought’ ‘Will they ever leave me alone?’ Just a cursory glance at me told them all they wanted to know. ‘Nope, not famous, she’s carrying an M&S sandwich bag for Chrissakes!, ignore’ :) Good, that pleases me. I would hate to be famous. I value and enjoy my privacy too much. 
Yes I shall be in London on Thursday until Sunday! I am fully booked for Thursday and Friday but I have found myself unexpectedly available for Saturday evening now. So if you are a London boy, are in London visiting on that day, or want to be in London that day ;), what not trip the light fantastic…. with moi? Please contact me asap if you would like to book. xxx
