Rhia Charles, high class escort in London

A New Punternet Review!

My first one of 2009, Thank you Mr Greybeard! xxx

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=87416

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Definitions of Man Flu

The condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening.

This is also known as ‘Fishing for Sympathy’ or ‘Chronic Exaggeration’.

When the patient is your boyfriend, he will exhibit the standard symptoms (such as an overwhelming desire for compassion) while simultaneously rejecting any and all efforts you make to placate him.

A rare strain of flu so powerful and so deadly it can only be matched by the Bubonic Plague and Aids. A incurable virus which has adapted to only effect the “XY” gene found in men. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. Man Flu has no cure and prayers can save the forsaken life of the infected. The often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract “Man Flu”

Woman: Is he ok?
Doctor: I’m afraid not, I’m sad to say he has Man Flu

 

or… (This is my favourite, hahaha – I more than love this one!)

 

The one week out of the year when a man has a cold, and doesn’t feel good, and excercises his right to complain and whine- contrary to every fucking day of a woman’s life when we have to hear you complain.

The man flu is usually accompanied by a lack of sympathy from females, which further advances the adverse symptoms of the man flu.

GF: Ugh, BF is so annoying and whiny, all he has is a cold.
BFF: Oh, yeah, the Man Flu.
BF: GOD FORBID you take care of ME for ONE DAY and not complain.

~~~~~~~

The above sadly NOT written by me , but much appreciated by me :) hehehe  Huge apologies for all you sufferers out there – I mean it, honestly!  Get well soon! x Shall I be nurse?

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Posted in Humour, Life, London Courtesan (all) | 1 Comment »

100 things to do before you die

Hey, you know I am the queen of the lists right?  Yes, I am back to my list fetish.  Ohh I bet some of you can come up with a great name for a list fetishist…..

I have lists for shopping, lists for things to do that day, lists of places I still have to see, lists of lists I have yet to write (only kidding, or am I ?!)  Lists consolidate things, make you work towards something, hell you can even call them goals if you want.  Now there are a few lists out there (not mine, there are apparently other list writers – maybe we can all get together sometime and make a huge list of……?)

I bought a book during the year, well I actually bought many books and was kindly given many, many books.  One of the ones I bought was 100 things to do before you die.  I also have a list of 100 things, I wrote it a while ago and I take it out every year.  I have done 75 of them.  I need to add more.  I am running out of things to do! (I have just added – find a way to join the mile high club in 2009 – hmmm – you so know who you are! Run! hahaha)

Now this book, the book of a 100 things is more of a ‘crazy/interesting things to do around the world’ kind of thing. Like go to the burning man project in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada (I nearly got there one year) or watch the Monarch butterfly migration in Michoacn, Mexico.  You get the idea.  My list is more of a mixture of things.  I would be really (really) interested to hear about your list if you have one.  If you dont, why dont you?  Here’s someone’s short list  I found on the internet…

1. Write a script for a TV show
2. Do stand-up comedy
3. Write a children’s book
4. Go camping
5. Ride a gondola in Venice
6. Learn how to salsa dance
7. Host Saturday Night Live
8. Visit a Renaissance fair
9. See the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
10. Witness a solar eclipse

and a couple of mine that I have been lucky enough to tick off…

Swim with wild dolphins

Follow grey whales from California to Mexico where they give birth

Do a 12000 ft parachute jump

I ticked off a massive one in 2008, sorry cant share that one here just yet.

Now, see just how much fun you could have with a little list?

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Happy New Year!

Have a sparkling New Year’s Eve and a very healthy, happy and prosperous 2009 – Hope to see you then xx

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Did you?…

Have a super duper Christmas?  I sure did.  In fact it was the best Christmas I have had in years.  Lots of laughter, great company, gorgeous food, fizzy stuff and lots of fun and games.  I also had a brilliantly saucy Christmas card from Mr A which I tried to put on this post but the text got cut off :( – thanks anyway A, it made me chuckle :)  So, now its on to the sales and New Year.  Although I have revived my love for Christmas, New Year has always been my favourite night of the year in the past.  This one is going to be extra special, ohh I am a lucky girl this year!  What about you? Are you planning something special for the 31st?

I am also looking forward to 2009, lots of tours…  Bath on January 27/28 is fully booked but I am taking details in case of cancellations. Dubai in February has some dates left but London in March is also fully booked.  There are a few new restaurants opened in Plymouth which I obviously will have to try out next year :)  I always have a list of things that I want to do each year – I usually tick most of them off – try it, its great fun!  What’s on my list for 2009? … well, you will have to wait and see. ;)

Oh I almost forgot, do you want updates of my blog on your mobile phone?  Look at this, its clever. 

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Merry Christmas!

Well it looks like I will not have time to nip around the net looking for Christmas sauciness to post here after all!  Id just like to say a massive thank you to all my lovely gents for making 2008 so special – both in Plymouth and whilst I was touring in London, Dublin, New York and Edinburgh.  I really (really!) had a great time and I hope you did too ;)  Also I have been overwhelmed by the wonderful Christmas wishes I have been getting via email – thanks guys, that means a lot and I really appreciate it.  Thanks to the ladies too for your help during the past year with various things especially Crista and Dollymopp. Oh and a big thank you to Richard at 69 Design, my webmaster for keeping the site going.  I hope I havent forgotten anyone!  So, that just leaves me to wish each and every one of you (especially YOU for popping by to take a look at my blog) a superb, fantastic Christmas. You will, wont you? I hope you find everything you want under the tree.  I will write another post after Christmas, before the New Year – have fun!! Lots of love xxx

PS Next available 2nd January 2009 x

PPS You really need to check out this blog – Hannah – she is so funny – have a look.

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Posted in Friends, High days & holidays, London Courtesan (all), News/Availability, The Client, The Courtesan/Escort | 4 Comments »

Sex & the Office Christmas Party

Let’s see how many saucily-themed Christmas things I can find :)  This one, I liked…

Yes, it’s that time of the year again, dear reader. The time when reckless young girls drop their knickers under the mistletoe after a few too many Bacardi Breezers and dirty old men bid for them on eBay.

Which is why UK Secretary of State for Culture, Tessa Jowell, has issued a stern warning to employers, urging them to make sure their female staff do not injure themselves at office parties by table dancing on desks or photocopying parts of their body. Mrs Jowell, a stunning brunette of indeterminate age who is no stranger to sexual harassment from unscrupulous men wielding whips, implored managers not to put up mistletoe as it is known to incite sexual misconduct and binge drinking, before going on to alert women to the dangers of wearing microskirts and skimpy tops to the Christmas office party.

“If you must hold an office party do keep a close eye on those who drink,” she warned ominously. “Lager makes some women lose their knickers. The party will be completely soiled — I mean, spoiled — if it ends up in unwanted pregnancies or a nasty, itchy rash. I’m as full of the Christmas spirit as the next man, er, or woman,” added Mrs Jowell, clapping a Santa Claus hat onto her head with an embarrassed giggle. “But the office is not the place to let your hair down, or indeed, your knickers.”

Polls show that twelve out of ten British firms agree with Tessa Jowell and will not be holding knees-ups this year for fear of being sued by male staff claiming injury to their genitalia by women hitting back at sexual harassment. The cultured Culture Secretary’s warning was greeted with huge sighs of relief by senior managers up and down the country, one of whom took time off from briefing his secretary on what to buy his mistress for Christmas, to talk to utterpants. “It’s no joke going to photocopy the annual report for the Chairman,” he complained, “only to be confronted with a slimy snail trail. If you must photocopy your bottom please make sure you wipe down the glass to prevent the spread of thrush.”

Single mums, already reeling from the strain of funding another credit card busting spree to provide their nippers with the latest mobile phones and Harry Potter vibrating brroms, welcomed the Culture Secretary’s announcement with equal enthusiasm. “Blokes are even more disgusting at this time of year,” one anonymous secretary told utterpants indignantly. “Not only do we have to put up with them looking up our skirts when we’re putting up the tinsel, but listen to endless, pathetic variations on ‘do you like cream on your pudding?”
“Such as?” we asked.
“Did you know that tying a bird’s legs together keeps the inside moist?”
“And does it?”
“F**k off!” snapped the woman angrily.
“Well, we were only asking..” we replied.

A female spokestypeperson from Mrs Jowell’s department made it clear to us that if firms wish to avoid calling in the emergency services this year, they should ban dangerous items such as advent candles, holly, Christmas crackers, mistletoe and novelty paper hats from office parties.
“Paper hats?” we asked. “What risk do they pose?”
“A carelessly worn novelty hat can easily slip down over one eye, causing the wearer to fall and impale themselves on a sprig of mistletoe or even holly.”
“And candles?”
The woman blushed to the tips of her pretty blond hair and muttered: “I’d rather not say…”

The Ministry have thoughtfully prepared a list of Yuletide innuendoes for employers which it deems ‘highly offensive’ and recommends that staff caught using them should be severely disciplined — or possibly lightly spanked, trousers down, with a generous sprig of holly.

Utterpants applauds Tessa Jowell’s responsible stance and has already instigated her sensible safety precautions in our offices, a decisive move which was greeted with almost unanimous approval by our staff.
“Bloody good job, too!” commented Denim Sue, (34-27-36) peevishly. “It took me over two hours to repair the photocopier last year after that slut Jennifer ran off two hundred copies of her droopy minge for her pervy American friends to drool over. I’m not going to spend this Christmas picking bits of glass out of painful places, I can tell you!”

Outspoken US columnist, Don Pitts, agreed. “If she must show off her ugly pussy why the hell doesn’t she just photograph it with her cellphone like the rest of the danged sluts in the office?”
Their opinions were echoed by Felicity O’Toole: “Christmas office parties are simply old hat, darling.”
“Do you have any advice for those who can’t resist the festive spirit?” we asked the twenty-seven-year-old ‘personal services’ consultant.
“Drinkees and work don’t mix,” she gushed, as she knocked back her fifth Bacardi Breezer when we interviewed her during her lunch break at the Cockwell Inn.

Sadly, there is always one joker in every office who is determined to cock a snook at authority and risk life and limb in the reckless pursuit of Yuletide jollies. At Utterpants that man is Barry Subchimp. “Would you like to gobble my nuts?” he asked us with a lopsided leer as we removed the last of the mistletoe from the executive washroom.
“Er, no thanks,” we replied. “They may have been in contact with the photocopier.”

Shamelessly taken from Utterpants, a haven of sanity for the terminally bewildered.

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Bettie Page

I have just heard that Bettie page has died.  Lots of people have never heard of Bettie Page because although she was a pin up in the 50′s she became mainly famous for more fetish-themed photography.  I came across Bettie Page when I read Dita Von Teese’s book, Burlesque and The Art of the Teese. Dita was hugely influenced by Bettie.

From the BBC…

Bettie Page, one of the most famous US pin-up models of the 1950s, has died in Los Angeles, aged 85.

Her provocative poses – often in bikinis – made her a cult figure and she was one of the first models to appear in Playboy magazine.

Bettie Page was credited with helping to pave the way for the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

Some pictures of her showing bondage and spanking generated controversy and attracted a congressional subpoena.

The secretary-turned-model was admitted to hospital last month, suffering from pneumonia. She had a heart attack last week and never regained consciousness.

‘Iconic figure’

“With deep personal sadness I must announce that my dear friend and client Bettie Page passed away at 1841 this evening (0241 GMT Friday) in a Los Angeles hospital,” her agent Mark Roesler said.

“She captured the imagination of a generation with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality”, he said. “She is the embodiment of beauty”.

I never thought it was shameful. I felt it was normal. Bettie Page

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner called her a “very dear person”, AP reported.

“I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society,” Hefner was quoted as saying.

Bettie Mae Page was born in Nashville, Tennessee, in 1923. Her career took off after an amateur photographer in New York asked her to pose for pictures in 1950.

She featured in posters and photographs, including one of the early centrefolds of Playboy magazine.

However not everyone was happy with the pictures. Some US lawmakers were concerned they amounted to pornography and subpoenaed Page to testify at a congressional hearing, although in the end she never had to appear.

Looking back on her career, she told Playboy in 1998: “I never thought it was shameful. I felt normal. It’s just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous.”

She was married three times but had no children.

She disappeared from public view in the late 1950s, turning to religion and battling mental illness. However, decades later, she became the subject of renewed interest.

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Posted in Erotica, London Courtesan (all) | 1 Comment »

Ho ho ho, ha ha ha

Mr T arrived today, at the door with a santa beard and hat on,  and a big grin.  What a surprise, It was hilarious – I loved it and laughed so much.  Thank you Mr T, you made my day!  To make you laugh too, a Christmassy joke…

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My Discreet Lunches in Plymouth

I don’t know why I didnt think of this before. You know about my champagne and lobster lunches right?  Extremely tasty and bubbly – the food and champagne are pretty good too ;)  But of course you sensible boys sometimes have to carry on driving for the rest of the day.  Sooooo, I am now giving you the option to have a lovely discreet lunch with me at my place in Plymouth sans the champagne.  A fab two course lobster or seafood lunch (or something else if you prefer) with soft drinks now for just £230 – to include 1 hour private time.  Do you like that idea?

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