God Loves a Trier

Ahh I know what I forgot to mention in the last post.  I had a snigger at an email I received recently. I wont post it ad verbatim but it went something along the lines of this…. (my sarky comments are in italics)

‘Hi, Ive read your post about male escorts (which very clearly states there aint any such animal (apart from gay male escorts) and would like you to give me some tips and advice (I know loads about being a male escort, obviously)…………………….and on and on it went.

It looks like you really care about your clients, so perhaps its time that you were looked after too? (big cheeky grin inserted by him).

Not bad actually. Not remotely tempted obviously, and he has targeted the wrong audience –  totally. But a not too shabby attempt at marketing his wares.

One thing though. Where on earth does he get the notion that I am not looked after??   My fellas look after me, in and out of the boudoir more than any boyfriend ever did.

More market research needed for him methinks.

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Happy V

Well look at me not posting for 15 days – must be a record.  Been tres busy (I just typed busty in then instead of busy, oh don’t we just love those little Freudian slips? :)

If you get irritated and loathe those awful creatures who insert teeny French words whilst writing in English, then you need to read another blog,  mon cheri!

So, Ive  been busy doing this, busy doing that. You know what its like, Im sure. Irons, fires, so many gorgeous men so little time and all that.

Not that I have forgotten you. Oh my goodness, no, no, no.  I was going to say my poppet in French but that translates to Mon Clapet which does not sound romantic or sexy or even nice does it?  I thought French was the language of love??  Hmmm.

So, what’s been happening then?  Well, its ever so cold isnt it?  I got an email from one of my divine fellas who is having a world cruise as you read.  Im not jealous, not at all, well just a tad :)   He heard that we were a bit cold over here and emailed me to tell me to keep warm.   Bless.  Cold?, Cold?  Its been bloomin’ freezing I said, with snow and everything!!!

I hate the cold, hate it.  Its the reason why I never took up ski-ing (dont tell me its sunny there, I dont believe you). I dont do anything that involves cold things (including cold hearted people or naughty boys with ice cubes).  One of my other fellas, on hearing that I was planning  a stay at the Ice Hotel later in the year, pronounced me (quite rightly) barking mad.

“A person who hates the cold?”  ”Staying in a hotel made of ice?” “A person who hates the cold… ”  (yes alright, alright)

Ahh but its an experience, right?, got to be done and its on the ‘list’ so it has to be done.

Oh and my plea was answered!   I got my membership,  you know to the Royal Enclosure.  Ive said thank you numerous times to the lovely gent but here it is again. Soooo excited, planning the hat, the dress, the everything as I type.  XXXXXXX  to you Mister.

What else?  Oh yes that pesky Valentine’s Day is coming up isnt it?  As some of you will know that is the day that I allow myself KFC. The reason being is that restaurants are hi-jacked by couples who seem to be just going through the motions (am I being cynical? I try not to be) and I can go to a lovely restaurant any time (and I do :) so it makes sense to do something you dont normally do, right?  But this year, no I shall not be consuming at the altar of the Colonel, no I am on a nice healthy detox instead.

Having said that, I am still in the mood for lurve…..

Well, you know ;)

Have a sexy Valentine’s Day, whatever you decide to do xx

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Frustrations, Rudeness, Rolls & Films

Its been crazy lately. Simple, simple tasks on t’internet , and they cant be done simply.  Get booted off or the site is crashing or cant set things up.  Grrrr

I love the internet, I do.  Its the best thing ever, ever invented (after condoms and mascara) but so bloody frustrating at times. Deep breath.

While Ive been waiting for these bloomin’ things to sort themselves out, Ive watched a teeny bit of telly (TV for overseas visitors).  There’s been a theme Ive noticed lately on UK television, and its this;

Incredibly rude, awful people (belching, swearing, humiliating people etc etc) excusing their behaviour by saying things like…

‘Sorry about that luv, but its just the way I am’

‘Sorry, if that upset you, but its just the way I roll’

I must have heard this at least 7 times this week already. In terms of extracting oneself from the doggy doo, they are not the best examples but its obviously a trend. Worrying.

Soooooo, if I decide to smack someone around the chops, I can say ‘Oooohhh, so sorry about that, its just the way I am darling’

Trip up an toddler?  ‘Just the way I roll baby, watching you roll, you know?l’

What nonsense. Crazy stuff. You know the older I get, the more I am turning into Maggie Thatcher – no do NOT scream!

I watched it, The Iron Lady. The new film.  I will add myself to the  fawning in that Meryl Streep, as usual was outstanding. The film itself, ok. I dont understand the furore about MT being shown as a vulnerable old woman though. Whats wrong with that? Its life and nothing to be ashamed of.

I have decided to avoid cinemas in future. Yes even nice ones like the Curzon in Mayfair. DVD’s for me from now on, yes Sir.  Here is what happened;

Queues. I bought my tickets on t’internet and still queues. Queues to get tickets, queues for the bar, queues to get in the auditorium. I hate queuing. I dont know why I am English, I should be of a non- queue – liking nationality.

So, being the well organised girl that I am , I arrive in plenty of time (I am never late, as well you know :)  and find myself a nice seat in a pleasant part of the auditorium, eventually, eventually, after all the queuing.

Just as the film starts, you get the odd few stragglers who wander in nonchalently and decide to sit bang smack in the middle of a row, making everyone miss the first few moments (which are crucial, crucial!)  by having to stand up for the rude creature. Tut, tut, huff, puff, thats me as they squeeze past.

If that was me, I wouldnt even go in. Id say ‘Well, we are too late now and we cant disturb those lovely punctual people, so lets go and get a cocktail instead’  Yes.

Then.  Then you have a couple of people sat next to you who really, really should get a room. A sound-proofed room.  I don’t mind the snogging, I really don’t (as long as its quiet – no slurping or sucking sounds please). I don’t even mind the foreplay, I don’t! (as long as I can watch :)

But the damn constant whispering through the film because they werent English and one could understand the film and other couldnt and so one had to interpret.  pssssstpsppssssstppsssssst pssssst.

Like they had the time to watch anyway, with all that slurping and slobbering. Sigh. Huff, Puff. Daggers.  I suddently realised why ‘Oh FFS!’  was invented, thought up, came into being, whatever.

I should have said something, I usually do. I tell people off for queue pushing I do!  hahahaha!

When the film was over and I had not even got engrossed in it because of the pssssting, everyone gets up to leave and said couple have left all their bits and bobs at the end of the aisle.   In a line; wine glasses, popcorn, condoms (kidding), coffee cups.

Honestly, strategically placed to trip every poor sod who walks that way – here’s a thought…, perhaps they did it for my benefit, what with all the huffing and puffing.  Nah, they were too flippin’ busy to notice that.

Anyway, thats me, DONE. No more cinemas you hear?!    I dont care about big screens or all that jazz. I shall get a film on DVD, watch at my leisure, go to loo when I want, lie down and actually get to see the film without interruption.

Do you think that grumpy old women show has any vacancies?

I’ve watched a few films (movies, whatever) lately – at home :)  I watched 127 hours ( I think it was called that). It was a film I kind of flagged up ages ago as one to watch.

It was a true story ( I like those) about a canyoner who gets trapped  and amputates his own arm. You know the usual euphoric stuff that movies were first made for :)

Obviously it was horrific but very well done. Watch it if you dare.  One thing that struck me apart from the absolute torturous pain that the guy must have gone through (and yes it was probably worse than childbirth), it was the fact that animals do that all the time in the wild (gnaw their limbs off ) when they are caught in traps for silly women to wear silly fur coats.

So on that happy note, shall we do lunch soon darling? :)

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Who’s a Dragon?

新年快乐龙   Kung Hey Fat Choi (Happy Chinese New Year!)  It’s time to wave goodbye to that pesky rabbit and welcome in the Year of the Dragon!

Dragons are formidable creatures, not to be taken for granted. In Dragon years we want to set high standards, focus on our most elevated goals. Dragons are magnetic and can attract anything they want, so the Chinese say, lets plan and dream as we discover and explore the power being unleashed to swirl around us and our lives in 2012!

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I Need the Help of a Very Kind Gentleman!

Ascot. Royal Ascot.

Would you, could you?

Please, please, please add your name to my sponsorship form for the Royal Enclosure?

I know a few of my spectacularly lovely fellas are members but I forgot to ask you.

I must go this year. Its on my bucket list you see.

You know I am the soul of discretion and no fighting on the terraces from me, no Sir!! :)

You must have been at least four times yourself not necessarily consecutively.

I can email you the form and you can send it back to me. Easy peasy.

Will you, purleese?   There is a huge big kiss in it for you ;) and you will go to heaven too, honestly xxx

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Designer Vagina

Mature Courtesan

There was a march recently. There are always bloomin’ marches in London. Usually they just get on your nerves because they hold up your cab or whatever.  I remember one of my friends saying to some people causing bloody havoc last year;  ‘Now you really do need to get out of my way because I have a lunch reservation at Petrus and I really, really cant be late’    hahahaha!

Most of these marches are a complete and utter waste of time apart from venting your frustration at the powers that be/your adversary. This I can say with a degree of confidence having been on many, many marches, protests and the like in my youth (mainly against animal cruelty).

So that said, I dont normally take note of a demo, but this one made me chortle.  A group of lasses (I am making the assumption they are all lasses; if a man was there, well, why??) Ohh Ive just seen one in the photo below, again, why?? Whats it got to do with you Mister?  Actually, on closer inspection he has the tabard of a council worker who has obvious been temporarily initiated into the ’cause’ (but I am pre-empting myself)

‘ey whats this all abaat then?’

‘Its about muffs, you know vaginas’

‘Ooer am well into themm I am,  yeh, yeh, yeh.   Gimme a stick luv, and wot you doin’ later darlin’?’

It was called the, oh wait for it…

The Muff March.  Brilliant.

A small band of ladies who have nothing else to do but march along Harley Street about designer vaginas.  I can think of heeps of things I would rather spend my time doing like , oh well you know ;)

Or I can think of numerous brilliant causes to help out for a few hours.

Or I can think of loads of other ways to try and change the world. But Im afraid Muff Marches ain’t one of them.

So here’s the lowdown. These ladies are incensed, bloody furious, totally incandescent with rage because there is such a thing as labiaplasty. Thats where a surgeon rearranges your lady bits to look… well I am not quite sure what they will look like to be honest, not having sought out that particular form of rearrangement (or any, I hasten to add, although I am not against people doing their ‘thang’, you know – if it makes you happy and all that).

I loved the signs though – Mitts off my muff, (I should have one with Mitts on my muff, thank you kindly’)  mutts for muffs (the little doggy with a sign on there – well he doesnt look embarassed at all does he??)

“Hey fido, look at the camera fido!”

‘F**k off, she told me we were just going for a walk’

“Come on fido, look over here”

‘Nope, not even going to turn round mate. Take a pic of my arse because thats how strongly I feel about this crap, mutts for muffs FFS, look at the arse cos the face aint listening’

They have called themselves ‘The Muffia’  its a joke right? :) Again brilliant. Oh I do love London.

Oh and my fav twitter tweet today…. in response to Anthony Worrall Thompson’s shop lifting

Note to self: When a recipe says, ‘take half a dozen eggs, 4oz plain flour, 4 oz sugar etc, it is not telling me to steal them.

Naughty! :)

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5 Things NOT to say before jumping in the sack

I loved this….

5 Things it’s better not to say before jumping in the sack with your new date.

(Obviously this does not apply to Ladies of Negotiable Virtue – we can say what we like ;)

“Forgive me, Lord, for what I am about to do” (apart from that :)

“Here I go again!”

“Tell me you love me” (and that)

“I bet you think I’m a nice girl. Well I’m not” (whats wrong with that?:)

“Don’t tell Daddy” (oh and that one :)

Ok we can say two of them, and we probably do, hehehe.

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Was it Good for You Honey?

London Mature Escort

What a great New Year’s Eve!  I got to watch the amazing fireworks from a private balcony very, very close by, sipping champagne – magnificent!!!

If you missed it sweetie, here it is again

Wow! Arent they the best fireworks you have ever seen?? So very proud. I did tweet about it at the time, what? you are not getting my tweets??

This is an amazing start to an amazing year, you cant miss it, pop over and see us in 2012, yes?

Happy New Year Darling!!! xxx

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Addition #1 to last post

Darn, I almost forgot!  What!? How could I possibly forget?

Its my big birthday this coming year 2012 too, yes I shall be 21, 30, 70

40

Wow, the big 40.  But you know what they say dont you? 40 is the new 30, but that was a few years ago so now 40 is the new 20!

Hurray!!! That means the year after I can have a massive 21st birthday party, get drunk , fall over and snog unsuitable boys. Whadaya mean ‘Nothing changes’??  Hmmph!

Do you think I should start a pension fund? :)

Lots and lots of fabulous things planned for the big 4 0, it will last at least a week maybe longer, wanna help me celebrate? ;) xx

Look at these beauties, all over 40, looking forward to it now :)

http://www.thedailydust.co.uk/2008/11/14/top-ten-sexy-women-over-40-years-old/

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Its that time of year again…

Reflections, resolutions, regrets (non, je ne regrette rien!) – actually there are always a couple arent there?

My highlights of the year;

South Africa, was, of course, totally magnificent. I cannot believe it is almost a year since I went!    Time flies and all that jazz.

Living in London still thrills me and I know its a well worn phrase but boy, its true ‘If you are tired of London, you are tired of life’ Thanks Dr Johnson. I cant imagine living anywhere else now.

Friends, of course.  Friends who you can run around London with, laugh and giggle at things with. Friends who are into the very best food and champagne as much as you are.  I am blessed to have some wonderful friends, both in this industry (esp my fabulous fellas)  and outside too.

My stunning trip with Mister on the Orient Express, Venice and The Cipriani; truly, truly special. TY again x

New York, New York, cant forget that, can I?  Hurricanes, earthquakes and mental taxi drivers. NYC I salute you (but I prefer London :)

All the stupendous restaurants I have been to (not many left now on the old Michelin Star list!) – favourites are Hakkasan, Petrus and Scotts (which hasnt got a star, why? why?)

…and especially The Fat Duck in Bray, you know that crazy boy Heston’s place?  Stunning, mad as a box of frogs but so worth it!

Cant forget my Chanel bag either can I?  My pride and joy :)

1000 visitors per day – not hits, visitors. Yes that is how many lovely folks (boys and girls) take a peep at this humble website and blog. Honoured.

523 Twitter followers, honoured again.

407 fans for my facebook page which I havent even started on yet -you shame me into action!

1450 Linkedin Connections (who said we are the demi monde?) mucho, mucho honoured.

Disapppointments

Cristal Champagne, really?  How much?  Have you tried it?  Woeful.

Resolutions: aka plotting and planning – hehehe (wicked laugh)

Virgin Galactica (big smile, again, how much???)

I have a great many business plans for this coming year (my other businesses), tres exciting, and I think I will also be able to be more available to you my lovely – how can that be?  All will be revealed when I see you x

Next Year…

…will involve the odd  spa, Christmas in Lapland and enjoying the celebrations for the Queen’s jubilee and the London 2012 Olympics; but I am more than sure there will be much more to enjoy too :) I am so looking forward to the brand sparkly new year.

Charidee/giving back/mentoring -  a few things I have been wanting to find the time to do and will definitely make the time next year (instead of just throwing them the odd few quid) – mainly working with disadvantaged kids in London who quite frankly affect us all; riots anyone?  Not being a flippin’ life coach though :)

Listen ~~~I shall be adding more to this little list,  as and when I have ‘lightening bolt moments’ in the days leading up to the amazing New Year, so pop back wont you?

Oh and add your comments below, what will you be up to?, dont keep it to yourself darling, share the joy, its free !! and we love your comments – keep them respectful though (as if you wouldnt :)

The most happiest of the New Years festivities to you and the best year you have ever had, yes EVER.

That is what I wish for you in 2012 x

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