Rhia Charles, high class escort in London

Esteemed Member

All ladies of negotiable virtue will identify with this (chortle, chortle).

You receive an enquiry/introduction from a gentleman. Usually very polite, charming even.

Then something else;

It goes like this….

‘Oh by the way….’     (Uh Oh!)

‘I have a very large penis and it has been a problem in the past… (he may say he is 6ft 5 too – what that has got to do with it is anyone’s guess)…so I thought I would mention it now’.

Aww bless. What a thoughtful chap.

What we do, us ladies,  is;  raise eyes to the ceiling, sigh in a pitying way, smile in a wry way and block him forever. Or in my latest approach, I called his bluff and asked for his hotel details – still waiting.

Usually, next, as sure as night follows day, there will be a picture zooming over the telephone lines or internet of a huge appendage that he has pilfered on the internet.

I haven’t had one for ages – a willy fantacist I mean :)   High five!!

Here’s a top tip, Willy Wonka – well-endowed men, never, EVER mention it.  Most of them don’t even know they are until they see our eyes watering – Yeehaa!   (kidding :)

So why, why do they do it? I guess its the modern day flasher.

Who knows?, who cares?  Awfully, tragically sad but still, even now,  makes me chuckle.

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One Hellava Year

This year, lovely London is going to monumental!  The excitement is building…

Apart from it being my ‘big’  birthday!!!   (100 years old)

We have also got the Diamond Jubilee AND the Olympics. wowwowwow!

I have some specials on for that, as you know,  and already have some of you lovely boys arranged to pop in and see me in June and July x

Do you know, I have met people who say, ‘Oh Im going away for those, Im just buggering off‘  No! not my specials – that would be total insanity and they would quite rightly be whisked away by people in white clothing and be handed bibs to drool into forever more.

No I mean for these NEVER TO BE REPEATED EVENTS.

Actually maybe they also should be handed bibs to ….

Do you know, some said that for the Royal Wedding too and missed a totally amazing experience.  Do you feel your mojo sliding away just reading that?

You would have to drag me kicking and screaming away from London during these fab events.  Really.

I think some people are just too spoilt regarding the fabulous things that London has to offer and if something amazing happens and they may not be able to pootle around easily on public transport for a day or so they get a bit petulant like babies and want to run off. London’s great to walk around you know! I wouldnt invite someone to a party who whinged that it was too exciting to stay in London for these things, would you?

But back to the events – think of the historical significance!!! Think of the atmosphere!!, think of how exciting it will be!!  Lie back and think of England!!  No?  Go on.

You know what they say dont you? If you are bored with London, you are bored with life.  Actually ‘they’ didnt  say that, Samuel Johnson did, and for the pedants out there, I know he said ‘If a man is tired of London, he is tired of life’  Same thing.

But I will add that if you are tired of  London when something monumental is happening you really need to move to Plymouth.

Now back to the ‘really, REALLY’ BIG event this year. Moi’s Birthday!

Oh I am planning such wonderful things –  lunches, spas, dinners, weekend away, parties….

My friends have gone mad too. One refused to take a new job unless they gave her that day off. hehehe

It will be such fun. As usual the party starts a week before and goes on until just after my birthday – I love birthdays I do –  and you, yes you, are cordially invited to join the celebrations, its October and I know its a million years away but hold that thought, pop it in your mental diary and plot, scheme and try to join me, I would love you to and will never forget it  (you or I probably :) x

More mirth for you (you know, because its the weekend :)

Posted in MATURE COURTESAN PIMLICO SW1 | 2 Comments »

Canapes, Best Boys & Sunshine

Ahh, as the week closes – and what an interesting week it has been.

Lots of calls from my fellas who are overseas xxx, have moved overseas xxx and of course my lovely boys from the UK xxx

Phew, where do I start?  Oh yes. Hmm, I was invited to a very prestigious event – I hate the fact that I cant tell you here but when you come over to see me I will, of course.

So there was I with some other business ladies amongst the great and the good in this fair city…. and the canapes were a flippin’ joke.

Honestly like something circa 1978 – and no they werent delightfully retro in an ironic way – they were nibbles thrown in the oven by a few old ladies who I assume were overseen by another old lady who used to hold political office and who now holds the catering contract – no of course it’s not the thatch.

Scampi was one, another, I had to ask what it was – this anemic looking thing – ‘It’s a spring roll’ we were told; it consisted of a bit of asparagus with cheap white bread wrapped around it. I couldn’t eat it, I was laughing so much with another lady I was talking to.  

But back to my best boys. I have had such a lovely week hearing from and seeing my lovely friends.  Really, it does make me happy. We have such fun and I like them very much.

One friend called and said ‘Is this famous Courtesan in London?’ no idea who he meant but bless him – we go back a few years since before I moved to London, always a total delight to hear from him xx

So, yes its been a good week and I hope yours has too. I have just shared lunch and a rather fine bottle of Krug with a lovely, sexy guy that I love to see, so a wonderful day today and I may be coming across all sentimental because of that but never mind.

My favourite decadence is lunch, champagne and naughtiness on an afternoon….

I love it when my lovely friends pop in like that.

So thats it really, have a good weekend my lovelies, sun’s out (for a while), here’s a funny for you…..

One of my favourite things ever – An Idiot Abroad – I watched the whole series – crying with laughter…go on watch it..

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The New Chastity Device

I keep hearing about Spanx. Have you heard of it?  I first came across it in a trashy novel I got fed up with reading after 2 chapters and then during the weekend in the paper.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have taken to getting my beloved Sunday Times delivered very slickly to my iPad which is sure to turn me into an even more lazy mare on a Sunday (not having to pop to the shop and all). We really should do lunch or something one Sunday, lovely.

So this Spanx thingy, sounds a little bit S&M doesnt it?  It is, sort of.

Its a selection of undercrackers that pull in your squishy, wobbly bits, not that you or I need that dear one!!, hahaha, no, no, no, do we? – we do? – eek!

These things look terrible (see pic – actually no not on her they dont, she doesnt need them but visualise….. actually no dont do that) and they apparently take 3 hours to get into and 3 hours to get out of.

Not for us ladies then. Can you imagine?  A dinner date where you spend most of your time extracting yourself from your knickers? Sweating and cursin’ and losing the will to live.  Gives a whole new meaning to ‘passion killers’.

I had a friend once – once I had a friend – Oh dear that sounds a bit like ‘Nelly no mates’ doesnt it?  :)

Well, a group of us gals used to go out every Friday and she always used to say she had her ‘Pulling Pants’ on.  I never understood that, and never got round to asking her – were they her lucky pants or what?  She was actually saying ‘Pull-in Pants’ hehehe.

Not that you could pull anything in those things.  Well actually, you might but  you would swiftly get sued under the trade descriptions act once the squishy bits came tumbling out

- and probably also for having constuction works in a built up area without a permit.  (darned Councils and their permits, huh?, tut)

Plus  no one, but no one could get any action going with those things strapped to your nether regions and once you had prised your prized bits out, your beau would be snoring peacefully beside you.  So no, these things are definitely not designed for amour; and as you know I am not keen on things not designed for amour.

Oh and boys, If you meet a sexy girl at any time and she doesnt want to get acquainted  with your lurve machine, it does not mean she doesnt fancy you, no, no.

Apart from that being just plain madness, she has those bloomin’ pants on and is too exhausted to get them off.

I however, (you knew this was coming didnt you? :)  have panties that literally zoom off;  like butter off a warm knife.

Oh and I have  just come back from a trip away and then another spa break – feeling really fit…and you know what that means…lust my love, lust.

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Senoritas

Did you know?…. Spanish prostitutes are refusing to have sex with bankers until the financial sector agrees to make more credit available to families and small businesses?

 ”We have been on strike for three days now” said one of the women, who works in Madrid. “We don’t think they can withstand much longer”

It is claimed that some bankers are already trying to get around the ban by pretending to be architects or engineers but the women aren’t fooled.

As one lady said:

 ”It’s been many years since these other professionals could afford rates that start from £250 per hour”

How bloomin’ brilliant is that?  The whole euro crisis sorted by a few ladies of the night, hahaha!

I must add that I am far less noble with regards to all this. I see myself as more like Switzerland, you know neutral, my love.  My thinking being that people shouldn’t have borrowed/bought what they couldn’t afford. No point blaming someone else for that is there?

Therefore Bankers are welcome to come to the safety of my warm thighs, far from the onslaught of the rest of the world.  I am totally against prejudice, as you know :) x

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I’m in the Club

No not that ‘club’!   Heaven forbid, eeek!!!   Can you imagine?

No Monsieur I am far too sensible for that marlarky.

The club (or clubs) I refer to are of the private, sociable nature in the grand of town of London.

I was a member of  a club last year, purely for business, used it three times. Not a great-value-for-money proposition.  It was rather formal too, and stiff.

As you know I have absolutely nothing against formal and definitely nothing against stiff, we love stiff, we embrace it like a long-lost child, stiffness.

But its all about context, my lovelies. Context is everything.  Stiff in the bedroom = good,   Stiff in the bar = not good. Perhaps I should say stuffy, but you get the gist, yes?

But this one, this club,  is rather fab. I have been there about four times now, invited by various members, got nominated and now I am in as it were.

I have been to quite a few clubs over the past two years, usually of the gentlemen’s variety, invited by my lovely fellas – it’s not one of yours though boys – a different one entirely.

Why do I find it incredibly sexy when someone says, ‘You must join me at my club, darling’?  I cannot resist such a man.

But the one I have coveted and been dying to slip my stockinged foot into was always Annabels;  and you know what its like, if you want something badly enough, it happens!  Be careful what you wish for though!

So I went and Annabels was great fun, as was my beau – the perfect host and companion.

You know whats coming next dont you?

I need two nominations for membership to Annabels, if you are already a member;  its now on my bucket list you see :)

It worked before, this plea for help for The Royal Enclosure (forever grateful to my good friend, Mr X for that one xxx), so  I thought why not ask my lovely people for help this time?

Pretty please? xx  (with jam on and you will go to heaven, you will, honestly :)

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The Pasty Debate

Parliament is up in arms, Cornwall is up in arms.

My arms are up too, just stretching, my lovely :)

I know a bit (lot) about pasties. I come from the Southwest, a hop and a skip from Cornwall and of course I am a Devon lass.

Things you need to know about proper pasties:

1. They always have a ridge down one side

2. They never have carrots within

3. They are always short crust pastry

You probably knew all that already but did you know…

That the ridge was for the miners to hold onto their lunch and they threw that part away because it became dirty after they’d munched away at the contents?

and also that the best pasties dont actually come from Cornwall but from Devon?

Tis true, the best pasty in the whole world is from a little bakery in Plymouth (they use top steak, potatoes, onion and swede – the only ingredients in a proper pasty), they have queues down the road, all the police from Cornwall go there, they are  …… whoops, sworn to secrecy and I also need to run and hide now from the Cornish boys, hehehe.

Email me and I will tell you where x

Posted in high class mature escort sw1 | 4 Comments »

Costs too much

I am typing this in the stunning late sunshine outside my flat accompanied by a glass of champagne, obviously ;)

Oh what totally glorious weather we are having!

Please, please let it continue. It makes me so happy and relaxed you know,  this sunshine, and it’s the perfect temperature too, for my English skin, dont you know.

Are you enjoying it darling? I expect you are. If not, you should be here!

So the costs have started rising up and up, you know for accommodation, cabs and such like in London for the forthcoming Jubilee celebrations and Olympics. I think I heard 4-10 times the normal tariff.   Whilst I understand the need for businesses to exploit a market, it does seem a little greedy and excessive.

I don’t totally feel comfortable with that, it doesn’t say ‘Welcome to our Incredible City’  of which as an adopted daughter I feel inordinately proud.

So….

I’ve decided to buck the trend!!  I have decided that I would like for you to join us so much (and me especially)   during these exciting and historical times that my fees will be reduced!!!  Yes I have gone a little mad with the sunshine.

I thought I would put together a patriotic red, white and blue menu ( I will have to be creative because I don’t like eating the same menu twice :) and invite you gorgeous boys over to my place for lunch or dinner.

Or you can stay overnight of course, probably better here than most hotels in London and will certainly be a fraction of the cost of a 5 star, ha!

So a lunch or dinner will be for 3 hours, 3 courses with a fourth course served in the boudoir (wink)

A sleep-over consists of 12 hours including dinner and a proper English Breakfast, served in bed.

There will be champagne but non-vintage, from a lovely vineyard in New Zealand.  I know, I know – not allowed to call it champagne but I challenge anyone to say its not as good as any non-vintage French – and I have sampled many; and the EU monkeys can sue me.

If you would like something more special and of a certain year, why not bring it with you?

The teeny tiny cost for this extravaganza of nourishment, decadence and delight?

Dinner or Lunch.: Just £500.  Wow, thats my normal donation for two hours without lunch or dinner.

Overnight:   My usual rate is £1500, but for June or July it will be £1000 – including dinner here.

Deposits please though of £150.  (£500 for overnight) I am sure you can understand why and you know me, I dont treat you badly and run away with the cash.

I have very limited dates for this so please contact me ASAP.

The emails I least like to send are  ’I'm sorry but…’

xxx

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Hello Sunshine!

How are you?!,  seems like an age…

So I am back at the helm, so to speak.  I had a lovely time, so much so, I have booked another one. Spa’s are a bit like orgasms, you can never have too many.

So my goal now is to be the fittest I have ever been. No mean feat when you dine out as much as I do. I do go to the gym regularly but I never have a run, you know on the treadmill.  I had a friend once who said ‘The only possible reason one could have to run, would be from the police’  God knows what naughty shenanigans she got up to hehehe.

The reasons (and they are two fold) I have never run before are these:

1. I read that pounding your hooves (especially on concrete) will draw you nearer to an artificial hip or knee

and

2. I have always been a tad worried that these bosoms will get in the way. You know take out the windscreen of a double decker bus or knock Boris off his bike. You never know.

But dearest readers, I’ve been doing it!, gently at first and on the treadmill, no pounding the beat for me; and do you know what? I quite enjoy it, its very invigorating which is odd as I thought I would need an hour’s snooze afterwards.

So thats me, running with my bosoms strapped into a fierce gym bra specially constructed for larger breasted ladies.  Its rather like two bumbags sewn together, but no-one sees it, apart from me.

They do also say that a saucy, energetic romp is equivalent to an eight mile run. I must find out who ‘they’ are and enquire as to how exactly they came to that conclusion; in the meantime, I am happy to keep testing the theory and you can join me if you are a very good boy ;) x

Posted in london mature independent sw1 | 2 Comments »

Spa Time

You know how I love my spa trips. Just to let you know I shall be away on 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th March for some serious pampering.

I have just a couple of dates available up until then and back on the 18th, see you soon! x

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