Council Complaints
October 30, 2008 –These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.
2. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can’t take it anymore.
3. It’s the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had backfired and burnt
my knob off.
6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my
fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job to satisfy
my wife.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a
third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
colour and not fit to drink.
16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the
wall.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning
at 6a.m. His cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly, then
he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are
plain filthy.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every
night.
21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I
still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we
can’t get BBC2.
This here blog thing started as a way to express my saucy self. But do you know what? There's more to me than the saucy bits! So herewith you will find all sorts of thoughts, anecdotes, ideas, funny things (lots of them), deep and meaningfuls - a mixture of everything really, just like life. I hope you like it here. I like it here. It's cosier if you are here too so stay a while.
2 Responses to “Council Complaints”
Ha ha ha. I was having a real bad day. Thanks for cheering me up. Gotta get up to Plymouth soon to get myself really happy!! Thanks again Rhia your the Best in the West.
By Paul on Oct 30, 2008
Well my darling I hope you have better days ahead x
By Rhia Charles on Nov 1, 2008