Rhia Charles, high class escort in London

Still Got It…

I was smiling when I saw that the Cadbury’s Caramel Bunny was coming back.  You remember her dont you? That rabbit in the 80’s with the slow, sexy voice.  She was actually from Plymouth  (hahahaha) well, she was definitely from Devon or Cornwall, its the accent you see.

Now then, Ms Bunny has had a bit of a revamp and is sexier than ever.   I remember lots of boys swooning over her.  Yes a rabbit.  And a cartoon one at that.  It must have been the slow suggestive voice.  She still has no boobs, that would be indecent!  But from what I can see her legs are longer, she’s curvier and she has some super false eyelashes to bat at you. I have been told she was alluring and sensuous.  Hmm I think I will have to get a rabbit outfit. :)

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Just Need to Find a Poker Player Then…

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Lesson in Stockings

Did you know that stockings are very complicated articles?  No, I don’t just put them on and you take them off, simple as that!

I am referring to fully fashioned stockings and the different types and way they are made.  Gentlemen of a certain vintage will remember them being worn by ladies all the time (those were the days!).  These days though, only a handful of producers manufacture stockings in the way they were made during the 1940’s and 50’s.

So, fully fashioned stockings are stockings made from nylon (hence ‘nylons’) and were knitted flat on the machine.  The two sides of the stocking are then sown together to form a seam – hence the sexy seam!  Fully fashioned stockings or FFS are bought by height or shoe size (mine are 34″ ).  Where it starts to get a little tricky (if you are buying some for a lady) is the variety of heel designs you can buy today.  You have the point heel, which as it suggest brings the heel to a point, then you have the havana heel which is a square top and the cuban which is the same as a havana but goes higher up the leg.  You also have the french which is pyramidal and then the manhattan which I am not too familiar with yet.

The top, ohhh the sexy top!  Well, that should have a finishing loop.  The loop is needed to allow the needle sewing the seam to be withdrawn.  All these sexy little touches began as practicalities, don’t you love that?

So once we have decided on the heel we have to think of the colour.  Black is of course my preference but I do have a few flesh coloured pairs including that vintage 1940’s pair that were acquired for me from a French market, all in original packaging – do you remember those?  Beautiful they are, and still going strong.    I have just ordered a pair of flesh tone with a sexy black seam from my supplier.  Perhaps you will get to see them soon?

I am not sure which are my favourites, I like them all!  The only problem is they are very expensive and do snag easily, so nails trimmed and watches off,  please fellas!

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Orgasm Types

Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitute = Whoregasms – hahahaha
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms – not true!
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S’moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn’t very satisfying = there’s the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn’t make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein’s assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms

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Weird but Wonderful

Mr A was reading the weekend paper, The Times I think he said, a couple of weeks ago and saw the following little stories tucked away at the back, he immediately thought of me and of how they would tickle me (the stories) and he was not wrong! So thanks Mr A for the clipping. x

Under the heading weird but wonderful…

The Look of Lust

Men spend almost a year of their lives ogling women.  Researchers have discovered that the average man stares at 10 women each day, a hobby that passes up 43 minutes.  Between the ages of 18 and 50, that adds up to 11 months and 11 days!

Happy Hookers

The Chinese people trust prostitutes more than government officials and scientists, a survey has revealed.  The poll of 3,400 people put sex workers in third place after farmers and religious workers.  ‘The sex workers unexpected prominence on this list of honour is indeed unusual’, said the China Daily newspaper, which was not too discouraged.  ‘Given the constant feed of scandals involving the country’s elite, this is not bad at all.  At least the scientists and officials have not slid into the least credible category which consists of real-estate developers, secretaries, (secretaries??), entertainers and directors.

******* (twinned with ****) - this is priceless!

The Austrian village of Fucking, which has installed CCTV to stop visitors canoodling by roadsigns, has been advised to cash in on its fame by the German town of Wank.  (Its true, I swear!).  A guest house owner, Jurgen Stoll, said ‘I have so many visitors here at the Wank guest house that we have the mattresses all in a line in one big room for people to sleep on.  Otherwise we couldn’t fit everyone in’

English speaking tourists have created a booming business opportunity.  A tourist official explained; ‘There are Wank postcards on sale, although many people prefer to take their own Wank holiday snaps standing beside the Welcome to Wank sign.’  But the people of Fucking will be hard to convince.  The mayor Franz Meindl has previously complained;  ‘We don’t find it funny.  We just want to be left alone’.

Hahahahaha – oh I cant stop laughing!

Warning for hornythologists

The secluded huts used by birdwatchers are becoming a favourite haunt of mating pairs.  Now a wildlife trust has to remind visitors that the hides are for watching animals, not human hanky-panky.  ‘There are certain things going on at nature reserves that shouldn’t’ says Rachel Shaw of the Lincolnshire Wildlife Trust. ‘A visitor heard certain noises coming from bird hides.  Nature reserves are for quiet enjoyment only.’  Lincolnshire police confirmed the problem.  ‘Up and down the country, hides are used for all sorts of things,’  said PC Nick Willey (no, honestly!)

Have a good weekend folks :)

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The Brassiere

Apparently I have been wearing the wrong bra for, well, most of my adult life.  I flew into Bristol the other day after a very wonderful trip away and decided to stay the night and go shopping the next day.  Obviously, obviously I found myself lingering in the lingerie (is that why its called lingerie? :) department of House of Fraser when the assistant there asked me what size I was, oh 36dd I replied.  She then went scurrying out the back and brought in a pretty bra, ‘Try this on she says, oh go on’.  ‘Oh alright then’ I said.  Now it did cross my mind as she said ‘you will let me see it wont you?’  Well, you can imgine what crossed my mind, how on earth can I get out of this one, not the bra, the situation, please keep up. So , before you can say ‘Do me up honey’, I am in the bra and she is in with me. Eeek!  ‘Oh no, no, no’ she snorts in disgust ‘That is not the size you should be in’  ‘I thought you weren’t a 36, your back is too tiny for that’ and off she goes to bring back….

A 34F!,  a 34F for chrissakes!   And it fitted like a glove.  Two things here, one this means I have to change my stats and secondly, will I never be able to find pretty lingerie without the bra looking like a boulder holder?  Oh woe is me!  (I think ;)

Otto Titzling

COMMEMORATED IN POPULAR song, trivia, and cautionary tale, the tortuous history of Otto Titzling (a.k.a. Titsling, Titslinger, Titzlinger) – no laughing at the back! – and the invention of the modern brassiere has a lesson to teach us all — though not necessarily the one you might expect.

As the story goes, Otto Titzling, a German immigrant living in New York City circa 1912, was employed at a factory making women’s undergarments when he met an aspiring opera singer named Swanhilda Olafsen. Miss Olafsen, a buxom woman by all accounts, complained to Titzling that the standard corsets in use at the time were not only uncomfortable to wear but failed to provide adequate support where it counted most.

Titzling rose to the challenge. With the help of his trusty assistant, Hans Delving,(is this for real, delving?, delving? purleese!) he set about inventing a new kind of undergarment specifically engineered to meet the needs of the modern woman. The “chest halter“  he designed proved to be a brilliant innovation and a commercial success, but our hero neglected to take out a patent, an oversight that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

Otto Titzling vs. Philippe de Brassiere

Enter the flamboyant, French-born fashion designer Philippe de Brassiere, who began ripping off Otto Titzling’s designs and manufacturing competing products in the early 1930s. Titzling sued de Brassiere for patent infringement. In a court battle lasting four years, the two men fought to prove ownership of the concept, facing off in a climactic courtroom “fashion show” in which live models paraded before the judge wearing prototypes by each designer. In the end Titzling lost the case, not only in the court of law but in the court of public opinion, where de Brassiere, with his knack for self-promotion, managed to cement in the public’s mind a lasting connection between the product and his own name.

In the words of songstress Bette Midler, “The result of this swindle is pointedly clear — do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?”

Titzling died penniless and unappreciated, we are told.

Oh and no Bristol(s) jokes purlease! x

PS   HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR P.   Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Mr P, Happy Birthday to YOU !…

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French Knickers

My favourite panties are French.  Yes I know I am a total Francophile but it seems to me that many, many wonderful things come from France.  Champagne, wine, food, furniture, perfume …. Back to pants.  I love, adore, covet french knickers.  Quite hard to find these days.  I remember buying my first pair when I was around 14.  I wanted to look like the glamourous 1940’s starlets that you could see in old magazines.  I think also, that they are more flattering than a thong (anything is more flattering than a thong, who invented that thing??!)  So you can imagine my delight when I shop for lingerie and a set fulfills all four of my requirements;

1) Has to fit a lady with an ample bosom

2) Has to have a matching suspender belt (dont like hold ups!)

3) Has to be beautifully made

and 4) Oh french knicks as well? – what joy!

I was very lucky with the set you see above.  It’s a Janet Reger design and I have it in cream too.  If there were more colours at the boutique, I would have bought them all.  Vive la France!

A little bit from Wiki…

French knickers may have been so called since they were mimicry of the ‘visible’ underwear associated with Parisienne dancing, notably the Can-Can. The French themselves do not use this term for this style. The English began to associate the term with naughty or risque activity due to the connection to Montmartre and Pigalle, but in reality these knickers evolved into their final form from bloomers, the baggy, shapeless long-legged underwear of the Victorian era. By the 1950’s French knickers were almost the standard for British women and by the sixties this style was mass-produced in the ‘new’ nylon and other synthetic fabrics. A more practical design of French knickers had arrived, and proved very popular.

In the mid to late 1970s French Knickers, designed by Janet Reger and others, brought erotic and exotic style to lingerie. Of course major manufacturers through the 1980s to present day latched on to the trends.

Since the nineties, this style of lingerie has given ground in the marketplace to more aggressive styles for younger consumers. It becomes harder for major manufactuers to justify annual production, so they do not appear in shops at all often. They continue to hold the affection and attention of the generation who grew up with them, and as a result have transitioned back into the ‘naughty’ side of lingerie.

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Boob Men & Breastology

Do you remember this pic?  I took it last year I think,  with a point and shoot camera whilst looking in the mirror and no bra  involved – just a latex dress.  Puppies spring to mind. This is one of those outfits that has to be confined to the boudoir and has never, ever seen the light of day.  I am a laydee dont you know!  (well in public anyway ;)  Now, as you very well know, I like to keep abreast (groan!) of all things saucy, and as I have already addressed and discussed briefly the needs of the bum man, here’s a little piece you may find fascinating if your thing is…

 Breastology
An Essay

by Wayne Wallace

Breasts, boobs, tits, hooters, yahoos, yabbas, knockers, chi-chi’s, ta-ta’s, mammaries, and any number of other names have given to those beautiful symbols of female sexuality over the years.  I love breasts.  In fact, I have made an exhaustive,  personal study of the female breast for the better part of forty-five years.  I am, and always have been, a member of that elite group of men who are known as “boob-men”.  (I suppose that in the interest of political correctness I should acknowledge here that there are probably a number of women who might fall into this category as well, effectively changing the term to “boob-persons”).

During this forty-five year period, I have been engaged in an avid study of the female breast.  I don’t feel that my study of breasts is an obsession, for I am able to function in society without too many embarrassing incidents concerning the observation and study of the twin mounds.  I must, however, plead guilty to my wife’s accusation of always beginning a visual inspection of any woman, with an appraising look at her breasts.  Call this sexist if you like, call me a chauvinist pig, but this is honestly where my attention is focused and where the majority of my interest lies.

Of course, other areas of female anatomy appeal to me as well.  For example, a beautiful face is certainly an attention getter, or a nicely shaped butt in a tight pair of jeans has been known to turn my head.  I appreciate a shapely pair of long legs as much as the next guy, but, as I am enjoying and appreciating these attributes, rest assured that I have already checked out the boobs!  For me, these other enhancements merely add to the total package that the breasts headline.

The ultimate objective of most men (the hell with political correctness!) is of course that taco shaped universe that women sit upon, and around which, most men’s lives seem to revolve.  That part of the anatomy that has as many pet names as do the breasts, ‘the crown jewel” also has my admiration and respect.  However, the study of, the usage of, or the mere observation of this area requires far more time, commitment and risk than does the study of the female breast.   The study of the human breast is much more easily accomplished.  Some tact must be used when observing the female breast during “field studies”.  Blatant, open-mouthed, drooling stares, though not totally unheard of in my studies, are not considered gentlemanly behavior and certainly not in the best interest of the science of Breastology.

If one is discovered, observing the breast in its natural habitat, it is best to be discovered by the observee, than either by your spouse or the observee’s spouse or significant other.  The reason for this is the reaction of the various parties involved.  The reaction of your spouse is likely to be a punch and a “you never look at me like that” line.  The reaction of a rival male in this situation could be like that of a bull elk in one of those nature documentaries with all that head butting and antler rattling, etc.  The reaction of the subject being studied, usually, at its worst, merely results in a hand being placed on the neck of a low cut dress or an arm being pulled up to obscure the view of the breasts.  The most desirable reaction, although rare, is the willing smile directed at the observing “boob-person”.

I have often wondered why I have this “pointed” interest in the female breast.  It could be related to the fact that I was a breast fed baby and consequently, my earliest memories of the female breast conjure up such thoughts as nourishment, pacification, security, warmth, etc.  Assuming that this was the starting place for my interest and study, Junior High School certainly had to be the Basic Training Grounds of the science for me.

While puberty is changing a young man’s voice, causing acne problems and growing hair in previously barren areas, thoughts of breasts provide the necessary fantasy material needed for his struggle with sexual maturity.  I can remember being in 4th hour math class, staring at Mary Ann Mosely’s boobs, and daydreaming.  My sadistic math teacher, Miss Groffman, an old spinster woman of about 75, and by the way, whose boobs I NEVER checked out, called me to the board to reduce a fraction or something.  The very noticeable erection that I tried to conceal, became the laughing matter of the classroom for the rest of the semester.

National Geographic Magazine’s full color photos of African women’s breasts also served as an excellent resource for early study.  This of course, was in an era when Playboy magazines were not easily obtainable for pubescent males. Adding fuel to the fantasy fire were the Junior High girls, also struggling through puberty, whose newly developed boobs were often proudly displayed in padded bras under tight sweaters or white, transparent blouses.  That practice has not changed significantly to this day

As an avid breast observer, I often accompany my wife to any of the local shopping malls and wait, sitting on one of the benches while she shops.  This is the perfect observation post.  Ever wonder why all the old guys congregate there?  Young Ingenues may still be observed, sporting their newest, uplifting training bras in search of pubescent males with the intent of driving them out of their one-track minds.

During the late sixties and through the seventies, the “braless fad” afforded tremendous opportunities for the dedicated Breastologist.  It was during this era that I became a recognized expert as to  whether or not a bra was being worn.  I was often called upon to settle disputes, between old codgers waiting for their wives on a bench at the mall, as to whether a particular set of 38s were or were not holstered.

Just as Junior High school is the Basic Training Grounds for “boob-men”, High school is the early “field-study” area for the determined, life-long student of the female breast.   In High school, as dating becomes a possibility, being alone with a female “subject” in a car affords, at least the opportunity for advanced breast study and research.  One actually has the potential to touch, examine, and if one is extremely lucky, actually see, a pair of female breasts.  The search for the ideal female subject becomes the early goal of the high school age “boob-person”.  The criteria are these, in the order of their importance:

1.  Great breasts

2.  A willingness to allow extensive breast study and

observation for the benefit of science.

3.  Relatively attractive facial features.

4.  Someone not looking for a long-term commitment.

Young “boob-men” often plan their “field-studies” or dates around allowing adequate opportunity for observation and study.  Here is an example of a typical agenda for female subject field study.

Pick subject up at her house —————— 7:00 PM

Dinner at Restaurant —————————— 7:15 – 8:15 PM

Movie ————————————————— 8:30 PM – 10:30 PM

Private scientific observation & study —- 10:30 PM – 12:00

Subject home by 12:30 AM

The degree of scientific observation and study attained during these field studies is also recorded in degrees. ie:

Scientific Level Attained                                Study Accomplished

Level 1                                                             “Copped a Feel” – a light squeeze of either one

or both breasts through the clothing.

Level 2                                                             “Pressed the Flesh” – Actual contact with bare

breast, usually accomplished by inserting hand

into the bra.

Level 3                                                            “Nipple Contact” – Self explanatory

Level 4                                                             “Loosed the beasts” – Unhooked bra and

explored extensively.

Level 5                                                             “Visual Contact” – Actually observed the

breasts in their natural habitat.

Level 6                                                             “Tasted the Fruit” – Also, self-explanatory.

Attaining all levels with a subject may take several “field observations” to accomplish or they may all be accomplished in one encounter.  This usually is dependent upon the willingness of the subject to participate in the scientific study.  If all levels are accomplished in one field study, this is known as the “grand slam” of breast observation and is not only a very rare scientific event, but could actually lead to a chance encounter with the “crown jewel” about which I spoke earlier.  At this point in the field study, the researcher must make a decision whether to further his study of this subject, which in all probability would limit the student’s observation of other “subjects”, or to just move on to other subjects, in the interest of science.  This proves not only to be true for the dedicated “boob-man” but for exploration and discovery in general in most relationships from the high school age on through senior citizen status.

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