I Couldn’t Resist…
Sunday, September 13th, 2009…sharing another one of these. I can’t stop chortling at them!!
Rhia Charles, high class escort in London
Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category
Sign Language
Thursday, September 10th, 2009I love these! Crazy signs that people take a quick photo of when they are visiting new places. This one, as soon as I saw it, I thought, ‘That has to be in Australia!’ I wasn’t far off, it is New Zealand. Typical of our Antipodean friends’ brilliant sense of humour though :)
More to come…
Bill Hicks
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009The late, great Bill Hicks. I was introduced to this fine gentleman via a video when I was in Australia. He was very, very funny in a get down and dirty subversive way. I liked him a lot. May I share some of his legacy with you?
Orgasm Types
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitute = Whoregasms – hahahaha
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms – not true!
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S’moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn’t very satisfying = there’s the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn’t make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein’s assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms
Weird but Wonderful
Thursday, August 20th, 2009Mr A was reading the weekend paper, The Times I think he said, a couple of weeks ago and saw the following little stories tucked away at the back, he immediately thought of me and of how they would tickle me (the stories) and he was not wrong! So thanks Mr A for the clipping. x
Under the heading weird but wonderful…
The Look of Lust
Men spend almost a year of their lives ogling women. Researchers have discovered that the average man stares at 10 women each day, a hobby that passes up 43 minutes. Between the ages of 18 and 50, that adds up to 11 months and 11 days!
Happy Hookers
The Chinese people trust prostitutes more than government officials and scientists, a survey has revealed. The poll of 3,400 people put sex workers in third place after farmers and religious workers. ‘The sex workers unexpected prominence on this list of honour is indeed unusual’, said the China Daily newspaper, which was not too discouraged. ‘Given the constant feed of scandals involving the country’s elite, this is not bad at all. At least the scientists and officials have not slid into the least credible category which consists of real-estate developers, secretaries, (secretaries??), entertainers and directors.
******* (twinned with ****) - this is priceless!
The Austrian village of Fucking, which has installed CCTV to stop visitors canoodling by roadsigns, has been advised to cash in on its fame by the German town of Wank. (Its true, I swear!). A guest house owner, Jurgen Stoll, said ‘I have so many visitors here at the Wank guest house that we have the mattresses all in a line in one big room for people to sleep on. Otherwise we couldn’t fit everyone in’
English speaking tourists have created a booming business opportunity. A tourist official explained; ‘There are Wank postcards on sale, although many people prefer to take their own Wank holiday snaps standing beside the Welcome to Wank sign.’ But the people of Fucking will be hard to convince. The mayor Franz Meindl has previously complained; ‘We don’t find it funny. We just want to be left alone’.
Hahahahaha – oh I cant stop laughing!
Warning for hornythologists
The secluded huts used by birdwatchers are becoming a favourite haunt of mating pairs. Now a wildlife trust has to remind visitors that the hides are for watching animals, not human hanky-panky. ‘There are certain things going on at nature reserves that shouldn’t’ says Rachel Shaw of the Lincolnshire Wildlife Trust. ‘A visitor heard certain noises coming from bird hides. Nature reserves are for quiet enjoyment only.’ Lincolnshire police confirmed the problem. ‘Up and down the country, hides are used for all sorts of things,’ said PC Nick Willey (no, honestly!)
Have a good weekend folks :)
The Gay Flight Attendant
Friday, July 10th, 2009A flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served the food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told everyone that ‘Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.’ On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’
She calmly turned her head and said, ‘In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no-one.’
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, ‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I am called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch’
Thanks Mr C for sharing that one! x
An Hour (or two) of Pleasure…
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
“We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
We know how dont we? ;)
The Brassiere
Friday, June 26th, 2009
Apparently I have been wearing the wrong bra for, well, most of my adult life. I flew into Bristol the other day after a very wonderful trip away and decided to stay the night and go shopping the next day. Obviously, obviously I found myself lingering in the lingerie (is that why its called lingerie? :) department of House of Fraser when the assistant there asked me what size I was, oh 36dd I replied. She then went scurrying out the back and brought in a pretty bra, ‘Try this on she says, oh go on’. ‘Oh alright then’ I said. Now it did cross my mind as she said ‘you will let me see it wont you?’ Well, you can imgine what crossed my mind, how on earth can I get out of this one, not the bra, the situation, please keep up. So , before you can say ‘Do me up honey’, I am in the bra and she is in with me. Eeek! ‘Oh no, no, no’ she snorts in disgust ‘That is not the size you should be in’ ‘I thought you weren’t a 36, your back is too tiny for that’ and off she goes to bring back….
A 34F!, a 34F for chrissakes! And it fitted like a glove. Two things here, one this means I have to change my stats and secondly, will I never be able to find pretty lingerie without the bra looking like a boulder holder? Oh woe is me! (I think ;)
Otto Titzling
COMMEMORATED IN POPULAR song, trivia, and cautionary tale, the tortuous history of Otto Titzling (a.k.a. Titsling, Titslinger, Titzlinger) – no laughing at the back! – and the invention of the modern brassiere has a lesson to teach us all — though not necessarily the one you might expect.
As the story goes, Otto Titzling, a German immigrant living in New York City circa 1912, was employed at a factory making women’s undergarments when he met an aspiring opera singer named Swanhilda Olafsen. Miss Olafsen, a buxom woman by all accounts, complained to Titzling that the standard corsets in use at the time were not only uncomfortable to wear but failed to provide adequate support where it counted most.
Titzling rose to the challenge. With the help of his trusty assistant, Hans Delving,(is this for real, delving?, delving? purleese!) he set about inventing a new kind of undergarment specifically engineered to meet the needs of the modern woman. The “chest halter“ he designed proved to be a brilliant innovation and a commercial success, but our hero neglected to take out a patent, an oversight that would haunt him for the rest of his days.
Otto Titzling vs. Philippe de Brassiere
Enter the flamboyant, French-born fashion designer Philippe de Brassiere, who began ripping off Otto Titzling’s designs and manufacturing competing products in the early 1930s. Titzling sued de Brassiere for patent infringement. In a court battle lasting four years, the two men fought to prove ownership of the concept, facing off in a climactic courtroom “fashion show” in which live models paraded before the judge wearing prototypes by each designer. In the end Titzling lost the case, not only in the court of law but in the court of public opinion, where de Brassiere, with his knack for self-promotion, managed to cement in the public’s mind a lasting connection between the product and his own name.
In the words of songstress Bette Midler, “The result of this swindle is pointedly clear — do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?”
Titzling died penniless and unappreciated, we are told.
Oh and no Bristol(s) jokes purlease! x
PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR P. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Mr P, Happy Birthday to YOU !…
I am not a Catholic, Honest!
Sunday, June 7th, 2009| Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila said, “When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!”
Sister Catherine’s eyes grew wide and she barked, “What did you say?!” “A prostitute!” Sheila exclaimed. Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and said “Whew! Thank God! I thought you said ‘A Protestant’!” |
Dates for Your Diary
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
Did you notice it? The smart new calendar to the right? I’m hoping this will help you when planning our rendezvous. You should be able to keep track of me and where I shall be (lots of trips planned this year!) I will keep it updated about a month in advance so just a quick look should let you know if our diaries line up x
-
For the Gents who like to know what's what, I have an email newsletter where I send you advance notice of specials, new pics, tours etc. Please email me at rhiacharles@yahoo.co.uk and I will add you right away. -
-
-
-
-
-
-
CONTACT
rhiacharles@yahoo.co.uk
© Rhia Charles 2006/2008. All rights reserved. No part of this site may be used or reproduced without express written permission of the owner. This site is registered and legally protected by the Copyright Service. Please read my copyright policy for more information.