I have two tickets to see the brilliant comedian Dara O’Briain I would love one of my fellas to come and share the laughter with me. Here he is, the man himself.
Here’s the deal; tickets all paid for. Lets have an early pre-show dinner or perhaps a late one? Back to mine for a saucy tryst. Probably around five and a half hours in all. £400
Laughter is an aphrodisiac, you know, hehehe :)
I NOW HAVE A DATE, Sorry to those who were disappointed x
I keep bumping into celebrities. No, Im not one of those nutcase celeb stalkers, we just happen to be in the same place, oh I say!
I was at a party at the Mandarin Oriental the other night when this very, very famous sportsman walked towards me and stopped. ‘Well you look familiar’ says I with a twinkle in my eye (no he was not a client) and he said ‘Oh hello!, how are you?, havent seen you for ages!’ (‘more like never’ thought I) As he carried on talking I thought ‘He has absolutely no idea who I am, hehehe’ No I didnt put him out of his misery, that would have been rude and much less fun.
At another ‘do’ and I bump into Sven-Goren Eriksson’s ex, ‘Mwah, mwah; Nancy darling! How are you?!’
Oh I am wicked :)
PS, Did you see that piece in the Sunday Times last weekend, My Courtesan Life of Sex and Champers? I tried to link to it but it wouldnt allow me to. Search for it though, its a good read.
Miss Ayo-Sue sent me this and, well you will read for yourself and see how funny it is. But then, reading ”perfect day”, I had to pop on a bit of Lou Reed’s Perfect Day (as you do) on my sexy ipod. Got to love that ipod, (catch Lou Reed below, happy memories – I was introduced to Mr Reed at the age of 14, no not him personally; his music. I used to kiss boys to his music, Oh my!) and thanks A-S, you gorgeous thing xxx
PS It is probably too tiny to read on here but click on it and it will take it you to a window where you can read it properly.
Do you remember that contemporary art installation at Saatchi; ‘My Bed’ by Tracey Emin? Am I right in thinking it sold for £20,000? Why, oh why didnt I think of it? My bed is much more interesting, especially after we have wriggled around in it for a while ;) I am a very tidy girl usually of course but you can imagine all the paraphernalia when Mr has been here; clothes discarded through passion, decadently strewn knickers, a stocking here or there, tissues, massage bottle tops, empty champagne flutes and the rest. Darn, I wish I had thought of it first.
A man in a hot air balloon realised that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He decended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between latitude 51 and 52 degrees north, and between longitude1 and 2 degrees west.”
“You must be in IT,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the baloonist,” everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position as you were before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my f****ing fault!.”
Tate Britain is having an exhibition soon, of saucy postcards, cartoons, British comic art and suchlike. You know the naughty, highly suggestive postcards you used to get when you went on a seaside holiday? (do they still have them? and am I showing my age now?)
Anyway, Tate Britain is a mere hop and a skip from me, so we shall have to take a peak wont we?
In the past, I have shared with you a couple of emails on the blog, you know the ones , from timewasters, scam artists and the like. I dont get many these days but I used to get quite a few. Anyway, I was pootling around the net today, as you do, and came across this brilliant website. Its written by a lady in the US, just take a look, had me giggling for ages she has some fab comments, loving it :) x
Oh I am a naughty girl. Do you know when people ask you (in all sorts of situations) to fill in a form? You eventually get to the age bit - 20-30, 30-40, 40-50, 65+ that sort of thing. It was a marketing thing to go in a draw or some such in a department store.
I ticked the 65+ box today. The lady said. ‘I think you made a mistake Madam’ ‘Oh did I?’ says I innocently. I took another look and said ‘No, everything is correct’. ‘But your age!’ she said. ‘Yes?’ I said ‘Well, oh my goodness, you dont look… I mean, YOU LOOK BLOODY FANTASTIC!’ she cried. ‘Well thank you so much’ says I, beaming. ‘Stay out of the sun, moisturise and plenty of water, love’ was the advice I gave her, smug as you like :) Oh I so hope this does not come back to bite me on the bum in 30 years time and I hope I can still be saying that when I am 65+ hehe.
I am a pathelogical winder-upper (again, new word?) but funnily enough not a liar. I am rubbish at that. Find it too hard to do. Wish I could sometimes, it would have saved me a lot of , well…. you know.
So what’s the difference?, you ask. I think deceit is lying and mischievousness is winding-up.
Here’s another one; when I was a mere lass of around 15, I remember strolling through the town centre and being accosted by those Scientologists. At the time, they used to offer insights into your psyche in surreptitious ways but now they offer ways to de-stress (or should that be distress?) you – in surreptitious ways. Same thing, different message.
So, as I say, I was strolling along, when one of them approached me beaming and said… ‘Would you like a personality test, young lady?’ ‘I am so sorry’ I said ‘I cant have one of those, I dont have one, a personality that is’ and blithely carried on… I didnt dare look back. Eeek!
Is that lying? I dont like to think so. But oh dear; I know, I know, its naughty; so why do I still laugh at these things? :)
This here blog thing started as a way to express my saucy self. But do you know what? There's more to me than the saucy bits! So herewith you will find all sorts of thoughts, ideas, funny things (lots of them), deep and meaningfuls, occasionally - a mixture of everything really, just like life. I hope you like it here. I like it here. It's cosier if you are here too so stay a while.
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