If you lived here, in Plymouth you will know the importance of pasties. You know, those pastry savoury treats filled with meat and potato that presumably come from Cornwall but secretly we had them in Devon too (Uh oh I am in trouble now hehehe) Anyway, you know them, right? You get them all over the place now. There is even a pasty shop in Paddington Station.
Well, here, in Plymouth there are two pasty shops of note, when I say note, I mean everyone knows them. They arent the best but I wont tell you the best here for fear of my lovely little shop getting overwhelmed with fervent pasty-seekers (email me and I will tell you ;)
To get you in the right frame of mind, I have to tell you a story. This is legend, this is. :) There was a firm of pasty makers in Plymouth, oh I dont know, lets say 100 years ago (probably more). The are called Dewdneys. Ahhh say all the fine folk of Plymouth, now we know what you are talking about, maid. Anyway, about 50 years ago, two of the descendents, Ron and Ivor (I am so not making this up) had a bust up and bought pasty shops at opposite sides of the city. You kind of knew they were related (the name gave it away of course – Ron Dewdney Pasties and Ivor Dewdney Pasties) but their pasties were different. One was flatter than the other, the pasties, not the men.
Anyway, this frosty amnesty went on for years, nay decades. But I have noticed recently, something that could result in a whole sorry mess of nasty-pastyness. Oh dear.
Now then, on a saturday, random saturdays. I cant tell you which ones as I am not a follower of football or of Plymouth Argyle Football team but I have noticed when I have been driving past the football ground that a pasty van appeared. Nothing untoward you understand, just an understated van to the side of the road and the footie fans looked very pleased to see it indeed. You viewed millions (ok a few dozen) munching their hot pastry delights in crisp white bags, steam billowing out, whilst trudging to the football ground. Lush. Ahh but then a few weeks later, I saw another van and it wasnt like the first. I took a second look. It was a Dewdneys but it was further down the road. It cant be true! It was the brother!!!!
Hahahaha, oh this is so funny. The brother must have got wind, comandeered a remarkably similar van and parked the bleeder down the road. Put a nifty sign on the side, pasted (pastied?) a smug look on his face which said ‘Anything you can do, I can do better (or the same)’.
Now, all goes well, everything slips into place while the two brothers keep a respectful distance, and go about their pasty selling businesses. I have visions of fist shaking and snarling but of course this is my ridiculously fertile imagination.
So, I have a little snort and a little giggle when I pass them. Until one day…
There is a pretender to the throne! Some upstart from Plymstock has got in on the act!! Another pasty van. Surely there is not enough room for three pasty vans! So I have visions of a gunfight (pasty fight) at the OK Corral. Pasty men at either end of Outland Road, pasty in holsters at the ready to the tune of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (just listen to the tune, it makes me cry laughing!)
Anyway, after I had gone off on one feisty pasty-wise fantasy, I forgot all about it…. until today that is. I just happened to be driving along Outland Road again and do you know what? There was carnage, pasty fillings all over the road, had to break several times just to avoid the crusts.
Ha, only kidding. They (the Bros) had only seen off the young pretender hadnt they? And claimed their rightful position as pasty kings albeit at either end of the road. The pretender must have been a pastifist. Brilliant. Oh I wish they would kiss and make up hahaha.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
PS Stay safe tonight – Guy Fawkes and all that – keep the pets in, they hate it x
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ‘Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin’.
‘What?’ said the puzzled groom. ‘How can that be if you’ve been married ten times.?’
‘Well, husband # 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
‘Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.
‘Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
‘Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
‘Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of- the-art method.
‘Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
‘Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
‘Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
‘Husband # 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
‘Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was…..God I miss him.
‘But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited’.
‘Wonderful’, said the husband, ‘but why?
‘You’re with the GOVERNMENT.. This time I KNOW I’mgoing to get SCREWED!’
King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time.
King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny Knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.
After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he’d see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.
A week later, King Arthur was back in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. “This is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?”
“Ah, Sire, just observe.” said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the greatful monarch, “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot.
Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal ’short arm’ inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur, “The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”
As usual, if any of the dates you would like are booked, please let me know and I will place you on my cancellation list. Cant wait to see you there! x
Oh, we all knew it was coming and I (which is very unlike me) firmly ensconsed my head in the sand.
Actually, I was joking to a few people that if my TV got stolen, I would not even notice for about 3 months. haha haha. (in a cocky jokey manner)
Actually, I dont watch it. Not really, not anymore. I dont want to sound like one of those intellectual snobs but I just havent had the time and besides that, its all rubbish on there anyway these days. Isnt it? I used to love Shameless and Desperate Housewives, oh and of course Sex and the City (please tell me if any of those come back on).
I used to though, watch TV. Loads of all sorts of nonsense ( I blame it on my student days – why is it ‘endearing’ for students to watch crap and for other people it is ‘mindless nonsense’? anyway, as usual, I digress) So, some other things came into my life and therefore TV and most of the stuff on there became obsolete, took a back seat as it were.
Soooooo, when this switchy over business came into play; and I was only told this by one of my fellas – ‘Try and turn the TV on’ he says ‘Go on, you wont get a signal’ - ‘Oh I dont care’ says I, I’ never watch it anyway’.
When he left I kind of went into a little panic. Oh what if I want to watch something, what if I get bored? What if, what if?. Stop. Actually I spent two years of my life without a TV (yes I was an adult) and no it was not the end of the world.
So I run in and turn my TV on (the one I have paid no attention to for 3 months) and OMG!!! it is blank, a fuzz. Well, the world is over then. Its scary when you are disconnected, it really is. Whats even scarier is that I feel scared that I am disconnected because of a bloomin’ TV!
Now, I went travelling wth nothing more than a backpack, twinkly blue eyes and a smile for a year. TV or rather the lack of it did not bother me. In fact, when I came back I found it very odd that people would congregrate around a box rather than each other. I have never understood some people’s need for constant noise around them. I love peace and quiet. I really love peace and quiet.
So, in my panic I managed to contact a very nice lady from the digital switchover helplines ( set up exclusively for people like me :) – she was a doll and very kind and talked me through the whole thing – setting up the digital box anew etc etc. Thank God for angels.
Anyway, a little analytical thinking was in order here and I assume my disconcertion with the lack of TV was the fact that it was something taken away from me. We expect these things to be there all the time, in our society, even if we dont want them and feel out of the loop if they are taken away, it feels if we are not part of things anymore.
We may choose to be a part of these or not but we like the choice and its not nice when we are excluded. No one likes to be excluded. Thats my psuedo-psychological analysis on a simple thing like the digitial switchover. Hmmmmm.
Now then, I bet you cant wait to come and see me now hey? hahaha, I am not so deep and serious, honestly – I am a fun bunny – just you wait and see!
This here blog thing started as a way to express my saucy self. But do you know what? There's more to me than the saucy bits! So herewith you will find all sorts of thoughts, ideas, funny things (lots of them), deep and meaningfuls, occasionally - a mixture of everything really, just like life. I hope you like it here. I like it here. It's cosier if you are here too so stay a while.
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
The 11th Husband 
As promised, here they are!
Oh, we all knew it was coming and I (which is very unlike me) firmly ensconsed my head in the sand.
Oh and here’s one of those crazy signs to set you off nicely for the week ahead – have a good one!
