Rhia Charles, high class escort in London

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Have a delicious one won’t you?

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Good Luck!

What a significant day.  Today is the day that the United States gets not only its first black president but also gets a leader who many believe to be a shining hope for the future.  Mr Obama sure has his work cut out for him and I do hope that people will understand that he cannot produce miracles and not give him too much of a hard time if certain things take a little time to acheive.  I wish him all the the luck in the world, and I hope he and his family stay safe.  On a purely and shamelessly shallow note, it certainly helps that he is devastatingly handsome, I shall certainly be paying more attention to US politics now ;)

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No Sex for Fireworks

Men in Naples had to do without sex if they insisted on going out to play with fireworks this New Year’s Eve.

That was the tough love message from Se Spari, Niente Sesso (No Sex for Fireworks), a group that claims to have signed up hundreds of women supporters prior to New Years Eve.

“Setting off illegal fireworks isn’t celebrating – it’s dangerous,” said founder Carolina Staiano, a Naples area housewife, quoted in the La Stampa newspaper.

“If your man doesn’t understand, take action and make him go sleep on the sofa. [Refusing to make love] is an argument that men are particularly sensitive to.”

Reframing her message, provincial officials in Naples were to send out text messages to mobile phones on Wednesday saying: “Make love, not explosions.”

Now, I am not keen on the fireworks at home variety, I prefer a nice, safe display.  But Fireworks = no sex?  Hmm do you think it will catch on?  A tad harsh methinks.  Hehehe I have visions of mature boys sneaking out with pockets full of illicit items, naughty grin on face and mischief in the eyes, how could one resist a fella like that? 

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Happy New Year!

Have a sparkling New Year’s Eve and a very healthy, happy and prosperous 2009 – Hope to see you then xx

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Did you?…

Have a super duper Christmas?  I sure did.  In fact it was the best Christmas I have had in years.  Lots of laughter, great company, gorgeous food, fizzy stuff and lots of fun and games.  I also had a brilliantly saucy Christmas card from Mr A which I tried to put on this post but the text got cut off :( – thanks anyway A, it made me chuckle :)  So, now its on to the sales and New Year.  Although I have revived my love for Christmas, New Year has always been my favourite night of the year in the past.  This one is going to be extra special, ohh I am a lucky girl this year!  What about you? Are you planning something special for the 31st?

I am also looking forward to 2009, lots of tours…  Bath on January 27/28 is fully booked but I am taking details in case of cancellations. Dubai in February has some dates left but London in March is also fully booked.  There are a few new restaurants opened in Plymouth which I obviously will have to try out next year :)  I always have a list of things that I want to do each year – I usually tick most of them off – try it, its great fun!  What’s on my list for 2009? … well, you will have to wait and see. ;)

Oh I almost forgot, do you want updates of my blog on your mobile phone?  Look at this, its clever.

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Merry Christmas!

Well it looks like I will not have time to nip around the net looking for Christmas sauciness to post here after all!  Id just like to say a massive thank you to all my lovely gents for making 2008 so special – both in Plymouth and whilst I was touring in London, Dublin, New York and Edinburgh.  I really (really!) had a great time and I hope you did too ;)  Also I have been overwhelmed by the wonderful Christmas wishes I have been getting via email – thanks guys, that means a lot and I really appreciate it.  Thanks to the ladies too for your help during the past year with various things especially Crista and Dollymopp. Oh and a big thank you to Richard at 69 Design, my webmaster for keeping the site going.  I hope I havent forgotten anyone!  So, that just leaves me to wish each and every one of you (especially YOU for popping by to take a look at my blog) a superb, fantastic Christmas. You will, wont you? I hope you find everything you want under the tree.  I will write another post after Christmas, before the New Year – have fun!! Lots of love xxx

PS Next available 2nd January 2009 x

PPS You really need to check out this blog – Hannah – she is so funny – have a look.

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Sex & the Office Christmas Party

Let’s see how many saucily-themed Christmas things I can find :)  This one, I liked…

Yes, it’s that time of the year again, dear reader. The time when reckless young girls drop their knickers under the mistletoe after a few too many Bacardi Breezers and dirty old men bid for them on eBay.

Which is why UK Secretary of State for Culture, Tessa Jowell, has issued a stern warning to employers, urging them to make sure their female staff do not injure themselves at office parties by table dancing on desks or photocopying parts of their body. Mrs Jowell, a stunning brunette of indeterminate age who is no stranger to sexual harassment from unscrupulous men wielding whips, implored managers not to put up mistletoe as it is known to incite sexual misconduct and binge drinking, before going on to alert women to the dangers of wearing microskirts and skimpy tops to the Christmas office party.

“If you must hold an office party do keep a close eye on those who drink,” she warned ominously. “Lager makes some women lose their knickers. The party will be completely soiled — I mean, spoiled — if it ends up in unwanted pregnancies or a nasty, itchy rash. I’m as full of the Christmas spirit as the next man, er, or woman,” added Mrs Jowell, clapping a Santa Claus hat onto her head with an embarrassed giggle. “But the office is not the place to let your hair down, or indeed, your knickers.”

Polls show that twelve out of ten British firms agree with Tessa Jowell and will not be holding knees-ups this year for fear of being sued by male staff claiming injury to their genitalia by women hitting back at sexual harassment. The cultured Culture Secretary’s warning was greeted with huge sighs of relief by senior managers up and down the country, one of whom took time off from briefing his secretary on what to buy his mistress for Christmas, to talk to utterpants. “It’s no joke going to photocopy the annual report for the Chairman,” he complained, “only to be confronted with a slimy snail trail. If you must photocopy your bottom please make sure you wipe down the glass to prevent the spread of thrush.”

Single mums, already reeling from the strain of funding another credit card busting spree to provide their nippers with the latest mobile phones and Harry Potter vibrating brroms, welcomed the Culture Secretary’s announcement with equal enthusiasm. “Blokes are even more disgusting at this time of year,” one anonymous secretary told utterpants indignantly. “Not only do we have to put up with them looking up our skirts when we’re putting up the tinsel, but listen to endless, pathetic variations on ‘do you like cream on your pudding?”
“Such as?” we asked.
“Did you know that tying a bird’s legs together keeps the inside moist?”
“And does it?”
“F**k off!” snapped the woman angrily.
“Well, we were only asking..” we replied.

A female spokestypeperson from Mrs Jowell’s department made it clear to us that if firms wish to avoid calling in the emergency services this year, they should ban dangerous items such as advent candles, holly, Christmas crackers, mistletoe and novelty paper hats from office parties.
“Paper hats?” we asked. “What risk do they pose?”
“A carelessly worn novelty hat can easily slip down over one eye, causing the wearer to fall and impale themselves on a sprig of mistletoe or even holly.”
“And candles?”
The woman blushed to the tips of her pretty blond hair and muttered: “I’d rather not say…”

The Ministry have thoughtfully prepared a list of Yuletide innuendoes for employers which it deems ‘highly offensive’ and recommends that staff caught using them should be severely disciplined — or possibly lightly spanked, trousers down, with a generous sprig of holly.

Utterpants applauds Tessa Jowell’s responsible stance and has already instigated her sensible safety precautions in our offices, a decisive move which was greeted with almost unanimous approval by our staff.
“Bloody good job, too!” commented Denim Sue, (34-27-36) peevishly. “It took me over two hours to repair the photocopier last year after that slut Jennifer ran off two hundred copies of her droopy minge for her pervy American friends to drool over. I’m not going to spend this Christmas picking bits of glass out of painful places, I can tell you!”

Outspoken US columnist, Don Pitts, agreed. “If she must show off her ugly pussy why the hell doesn’t she just photograph it with her cellphone like the rest of the danged sluts in the office?”
Their opinions were echoed by Felicity O’Toole: “Christmas office parties are simply old hat, darling.”
“Do you have any advice for those who can’t resist the festive spirit?” we asked the twenty-seven-year-old ‘personal services’ consultant.
“Drinkees and work don’t mix,” she gushed, as she knocked back her fifth Bacardi Breezer when we interviewed her during her lunch break at the Cockwell Inn.

Sadly, there is always one joker in every office who is determined to cock a snook at authority and risk life and limb in the reckless pursuit of Yuletide jollies. At Utterpants that man is Barry Subchimp. “Would you like to gobble my nuts?” he asked us with a lopsided leer as we removed the last of the mistletoe from the executive washroom.
“Er, no thanks,” we replied. “They may have been in contact with the photocopier.”

Shamelessly taken from Utterpants, a haven of sanity for the terminally bewildered.

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Ho ho ho, ha ha ha

Mr T arrived today, at the door with a santa beard and hat on,  and a big grin.  What a surprise, It was hilarious – I loved it and laughed so much.  Thank you Mr T, you made my day!  To make you laugh too, a Christmassy joke…

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Festive Frolics

I’ve put them up.  Oh yes, by jove, the Christmas decorations have gone up and there is no stopping me now!  I didnt put them up last year as I went away somewhere warm for the festivities and galloped around in a bikini for a week :)  But this year, I shall be staying put and it is going to be such fun!  I have a very special friend coming down just before Christmas and we are planning all sorts of lovely things together.  Hurray!, I wish it could be Christmas every day – there’s a song in there somewhere :) x

Talking of songs, I just read that a hotel has banned the Slade Christmas song (Count Bartelli will be pleased hehe)

From the Telegraph today…

The Holiday Inn in Kensington, west London, decided they would no longer play the 1973 Christmas Number One following a large number of complaints.

Hotel spokeswoman Eleanor Conroy explained: “We always want to make sure guests have an enjoyable time when they stay with us.

“So when it became apparent that the Slade hit was not being well received by such a large proportion of our guests, we decided the best way to keep everyone’s spirits up in the countdown to Christmas was to remove it from the playlist.

“It’s currently the only song to have been withdrawn by public demand, but if there are any more Christmas turkeys that guests want to ban we will be listening out for any serious requests.”

The song is a regular feature at UK nightclubs around the Christmas season, and has re-entered the UK Top 40 singles chart on a number of occasions. It is particularly memorable for frontman Noddy Holder’s screeching delivery towards the end of the song.

Other hotels in the chain are considering a ban on the hit by the group.

Last year, BBC Radio One was criticised for its decision to ban the full version of Pogues classic Fairytale of New York.

I love both of those songs! So I am going to be a cheeky minx and put one here. :) (Ducks for cover from the Count hehehe)

Posted in High days & holidays, London Courtesan, The Southwest | 3 Comments »

Oops!

THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT

A young man called Sam, wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new
girlfriend. They hadn’t been seeing each other for very long, and she
lived a considerable distance away. He consulted with his sister, and
decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves
would strike the right note, not too romantic, and not too personal. Off
he went with his sister to Harrods Ladies Department, and they selected
a pair of dainty, fur-lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a
pair of knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift-wrap offer, but the assistant mixed up the two
items, the sister got the gloves, and Sam got the knickers. Good old Sam
sent off his gift-wrapped present in a parcel, with the following
letter:

Dear Sasha,
I chose these, because I’ve noticed that you are not wearing any when we
go out in the evenings. If it hadn’t been for my sister, I would have
chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones, and says
that they are much easier to remove.
These are a very delicate shade, and I chose them because the lady I
bought them from, showed me a similar pair, which she had been wearing
for the past three weeks, and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her
try yours on for me, and she looked really smart in them, even though
they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against
her ring, which helps keep it clean. In fact, she hasn’t needed to wash
it since she began wearing them.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you, the very first time, as
no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see
you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow into them a little bit because
they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just imagine, how
many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you
will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,
Sam

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down
with a little bit of fur showing.

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