Here’s wishing you fine folks a very, very happy Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous New Year.
Darlings, Thank you so much for your friendship and love. xxx
PS. Do you like the snow? (I’ve waited a year to put that on!) x
PPS A few very kind gents have expressed a desire to send me a gift. I cant tell you how wonderful that is. Could you please send a donation to this very worthy organisation instead?
Thank you. You’re lovely, you are x
Top 10 Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10. You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. You have less guilt the next morning.
1. IF YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
Oh and for anoraks like me…. Samhain – the traditional way (Wicca). This is the way we used to celebrate the 31st October. Some things to do….
Light a candle. Samhain is a time to remember those who have been lost over the past year and to acknowledge that they are still with us in spirit. Light a candle and place it in a window (one that is free of drapes, curtains or other flammable materials) to help light the way for the spirits of those who have passed away.
Pick some apples. Apples are a traditional fruit of the autumn season, but they actually play key roles in multiple Samhain rituals. Make a dish with fruits of the seasons like apples or pomegranates to celebrate the bounty of the earth. Bury the seeds afterwards to usher in new growth for the next year’s harvest. Cut an apple in half, place five bay leaves in the center in the shape of a star, and bind the halves back together with black or red ribbon. Bless the offering in a traditional Samhain ritual and bury it afterwards as a symbol of love for the God and Goddess.
Leave food for the departed. Most of us only think to leave plates of food out at night when we are expecting someone jolly and bearing gifts, but the tradition is really rooted in Wiccan tradition intended to honor the dead and help them depart the land of the living peacefully. Leave a plate of food in the window where you place your candle and think of any loved ones you have lost over the past year as you do so. Choose foods of the season such as corn, nuts, gingerbread, seasonal fruits and vegetables and cider or, if you are making the offering in remembrance of a specific loved one, leave foods that were their favorites.
Light a fire. Bonfires are great for keeping away the chill of a crisp early autumn evening, but they are also symbolic during Samhain. After lighting your bonfire take a moment to write down any aspect of your life that you want to get rid of; it can be a part of your personality, something that has been causing you unnecessary stress or worry or a negative situation that has left you with feelings of anger, worry or regret. Focus on why you feel you need to be rid of this thing and how doing so will better your life. Cast the paper into the bonfire and watch it burn. As you do, imagine that negative aspect disappearing with the ashes of the bonfire and let it go.
Oh dont stop me, I am getting very excited! Here’s how it goes. Dreams of twinkly lights and frosty mornings (we dont spend too long being frosty of course:) roaring fires and Christmas hampers. Roast goose with all the trimmings. Real Christmas trees and mulled wine. Pulling a cracker (please see my availability below :)
Oh and singing and being merry and having a kiss under the mistletoe and being all sentimental and really embracing life and just enjoying it all, commercialised or not. I dont really care about what some say about the shift from a ‘Christian’ Christmas to a ‘commercialised’ one. Not one jot. As far as I can see, they (‘they’ being organised religion – we will have to have a chat one day about disorganised religion I think :), anyway, they ruthlessly stole it from the Druids/Pagans anyway. I like the mistletoe and the holly and the yule log etc etc – all pagan. In fact all the things I like were from the old religion if you want to call it that. The one this fair land had long before they started burning lovely ladies at the stake. Women who’s only crime was to heal with herbs and things and be wise. Yes you may call me a heathen.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. A proper tree this year. I just have to persuade a fine and handsome and strapping young man to carry the devil (tree) up the stairs and I have just the specimen in mind (the man I mean hehehe). I am going to have twinkly lights on it. (the tree not the man! ohhh, or maybe both!) Yes I am. And I will be playing Christmassy songs from now onwards – only kidding! They will commence when I return from my London tour.
So as you can see I have overdosed on Christmas catalogues already and I am going to be awfully busy in December with not one but two tours in place. So Gentlemen, here is my availablity for the decadent month of december. I dont have to add – Book Early! do I?
December 1st – 4th – London – FULLY BOOKED
December 7th – 13th – Plymouth – Available in Plymouth
December 14th – 22nd – Dubai – Almost fully booked but some availability
December 23rd & 24th – Available in Plymouth
Thats it folks until the new year x
PS There will, as in the spirit of all celebrations be complimentary champagne on the following days….
23rd & 24th December
I wont say it yet the M**** C******** thing but I want to, I do! :) x
Oh I did warn you that I celebrate my birthday for a week beforehand didnt I? Readers of a delicate non-celebratory nature should tune out now.
Sooooooo, today was very, very good. One of my treats happened today. I had such fun and I will tell you all about it later.
But I wanted to show you this. The lovely Mr I (not the same Mr I who was kind enough to forward on the C69 review, this is another one). Well, Mr I popped in, as he does, and we always have such a giggle. He also brought with him this birthday card. I love, love love it!! ‘I thought it was so you when I saw it‘ he said.
He was not wrong. The boy knows me :) x
Here’s a strange thing. I have always been a shoe size 5, well all my adult life anyway. I have noticed though that my feet keep changing (dont look horrified!). When I was travelling I did not carry a pair of heels with me. I know, I know, naughty Rhia! When I came back I was a size 6. I didnt like that, I felt that I was not tall enough to be a size 6. If I was meant to be a size 6, I would be a glorious 5′ 8″ right? (Oh, by the way, for overseas readers, I am referring to UK sizes). Anyway, a size 5 was always ok until I became a 6.
So this is what happened – this is my theory. I started wearing heels again on a regular basis and my feet gradually went back to a 5. I figured that my feet had flattened out through wearing flat shoes for so long. As I have been prancing around in heels again for a while, they returned to a size 5, so I have been buying a size 5 for ages now.
Are you keepng up? Now autumn is around the corner, and I always clear out my wardrobe twice a year – clothes, shoes and bags – so that I have room for some new ones around this time. Horray!
Now today was shopping day and I saw a lovely new pair of black stilettos. My other ones needed to be thrown out. Oh I just remembered someone asking me to donate my old shoes ages ago (a shoe fetishist – whoops sorry!)
So, I tried on the size 5. Too big. Honestly. I had to buy a 4. I am the incredible shrinking woman! When you come to see me, I will be just a squeak on the floor, please dont stand on me!
Still on the subject of shopping, have you noticed yet? The Christmas things in the shops. Is it too soon? Im not sure. I love the build up to Christmas and get ever so excited but the day itself is a bit of an anti-climax isnt it? I always peak too soon, but only for Christmas and not when it really counts ;)
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me! Actually my birthday is in about a week’s time but traditionally I celebrate for a week up to my birthday. Oh I love, love, LOVE birthdays! I cannot believe that it is almost 21 years ago – and probably neither can you hahaha.
They must be celebrated, birthdays, oh yes. I have a few treats planned for myself and if you are one of the chaps I am seeing for the run up to the anniversary of my birth, then you Sir are in for a treat too. I will be in fine form and as frisky as a…. a… oh a frisky thing. Actually, I am almost fully booked until the 13th October now. Ohhh I am so excited, I am like a giddy kipper (you can imagine what I was like at 10 cant you?) Happy Birthday to me …. :)
So I decided to pop away for a nice break – somewhere the bard might feel at home :)
‘Is that a dagger I see before me?’ ‘Yeah gimme your trainers’ – no it wasn’t Liverpool (sorry Liverpool) hehehe
Anyway on a bank holiday friday I find myself trundling up the M5, singing away to Madame Butterfly when lo and behold a queue is forming up ahead. Yes a queue on the motorway. Can you believe that? I had to check that I hadn’t wandered willy nilly onto that nefarious M25. No, I was in Somerset or Zomerset if you happen to have been born there. So to cut a very long story short. I found myself sat in a car park motorway for 8 hours. 8 – WHOLE – HOURS!!!
Why oh why? I hear you cry. Well, someone had decided to try and throw themselves off a bridge and the police had then decided to shut the M5 – on an August Bank Holiday. Yes an August Bank Holiday. The tailback was 20 miles long.
Poor soul, I hear the tender hearted readers out there sob. Yes, and indeed we shall never know what makes someone decide to cause chaos in an attention seeking manner on a hideously busy bloomin’ BANK HOLIDAY!!! Seriously though, people were stuck in their cars, kids in tow for hours and hours with no water, no toilets, no champagne. Couldnt the police have talked, wrestled the guy down in half an hour? What were they doing for 8 hours??? Teaching him macrame? It was pretty bad but do you know what? If that is the worst thing that ever happens to me, well, I shall consider myself lucky. And the fella? Well, I dont know what happened to him but I hope he somehow finds a way through his troubles.
If you were stuck on the M5 last Friday, there is a survivor’s group where you can get counselling. It’s called the Rhia Rehabilitation Project and you can join by emailing rhiacharles@yahoo.co.uk and arranging a session ;) x
What has happened? No sooner have I arranged to have a very cultural weekend away when I then get inundated with pleas for my company! Usually bank holidays are dull, dull, dull (and not just the weather, lack of company of the male variety being the norm:( Hmm do I note an upturn in this downturn? I hope so. But so very sorry to disappoint all you eager fellas who will now be at a loose end over the next few days, maybe next time?
Talking of next time, I keep getting sent deliciously tempting offers (I know what you are thinking :) No, my little saucy one, of the gourmet variety, that’s what I mean – although I do get many tempting offers all the time and I concur with the magnificent Oscar Wilde when he said, ‘I can resist anything but temptation’.
So, there are a couple of rather splendid eateries around these parts, dont you know! They are also being ever so inventive and (for me) exciting in their attempts to tempt you and I (easily done in my case) into their gorgeous seats and to quaff at their delightful tables. All sorts of events like a supper club and seafood demo at one of my favourite restaurants, I mean its my favourite worldwide, not just in Devon – and I have eaten in a fair few places I can tell ya! Or do you fancy a fashion show (no probably not :) dinner or a ball? Oh let’s have a ball! Click here to know more.
And there’s more – Gidleigh Park in Chagford, (oh Gideligh, Gidleigh – I love thee!) also has some fantastic special events like guest Michelin star chefs, a fungi foray – hurray! (say it out loud, it rhymes!) hehehe and… oh just pop over there to take a peek. Here’s the Link.
So, dear one, if any of that has whet your whistle or indeed your appetite and you fancy a spot of company to any of these events, please do give me a call, I am your girl, definitely. If that is not your thing, and before we abandon the subject of temptation; can I, may I, tempt you into my audacious, beautilicious lair? I am now pretty busy right up until Saturday 5th September (I am available over that weekend and most of the weekends in September) so if you fancy a foray with moi, please get in touch – asap is always appreciated x
I just managed to watch this dvd. I know, I know, I have been wanting to watch it for over a year now! Anyway, I did it and it was good. Thanks Mr N for the gift! x It was more of a love story than I thought it would be, ahhhh. Some great lines in the film too and of course stunning location – Venice. Try and watch it if you can. Its also called The Honest Courtesan for some reason.
Mr M read my post about men’s underpants and bought me a rather fetching pair of Dolce & Gabanna boxers. Hehehehe Very nice they look too, and ever so comfy, maybe I should wear men’s pants all the time ;). Thanks M!
How naughty am I? Only just back from my hols and I am already getting itchy feet. I fancy one of those spa breaks in Thailand or somewhere lush like that. Just a chill out, pamperings, great food and fabulous sunsets. You cant blame me really. Its not as though we have had a great summer (again), I think I blinked when we had those good few days. I get all excited, think this is it and peak too soon. I should appreciate the moment better. I know its a well worn cliche but summers really were better and longer when I was a kid. No I didnt live in the Bahamas (but I may one day :) Ho hum, Im off to check out some holiday sites.
Now you know I dont do quickies, but I couldnt resist…the joke I mean :)
While making love, he says:
- Darling, let’s do 68!
- 68??? What’s that?
- You do it to me and I’ll owe you one.
Hope you are having a good one if you are on holiday xxx
I told you I wouldn’t forget this year didn’t I? Happy St George’s Day one and all!
And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green:
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England’s pleasant pastures seen!
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among these dark satanic mills?
Bring me my Bow of burning gold:
Bring me my Arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my Chariot of fire!
I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand:
Till we have built Jerusalem,
In England’s green & pleasant Land.
La la la la – do you feel a stirring? I do!
Oh and before I forget, I am touring London in May – 21st, 22nd and 23rd. Getting booked up fast, so please contact me asap if you would like to see me x More info here
This here blog thing started as a way to express my saucy self. But do you know what? There's more to me than the saucy bits! So herewith you will find all sorts of thoughts, anecdotes, ideas, funny things (lots of them), deep and meaningfuls - a mixture of everything really, just like life. I hope you like it here. I like it here. It's cosier if you are here too so stay a while.
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